Everything has a story behind it.
The reason I wont show people how bad I feel, there is a story there. The reason I don't complain about pain, another story. The reason no one will ever see me upset, another story. The reason I try to impress everyone I know. The reason I take my shower at 9 and no other time. The reason I never stop smiling. The reason I get really anxious.
The reason I wont show people how bad I feel....... When I was little like 7ish, I saw my dad at the sickest he had been in years. He would go out and do things and not let anyone see how bad he felt. Just like my amazing grandfather. Like father like son and then daughter. Well I told myself then that no matter how bad I feel I will be as strong as my daddy.
The reason I don't complain about pain....... I have seen how much people can hurt. The real tears that can not be held back. In the ER, people who are in pain that couldn't ever be compared to what I feel. I hurt. I am not going to tell anybody though. My brother told me when I was like 4 that no matter how bad something hurts I can tell him, but I have to be a strong girl for my parents. I don't complain to anyone for that reason. I have to be strong. Not weak.
The reason no one will see me upset........ Goes with the one above, I have to be strong. Not weak.
The reason I try to impress everyone....... I am afraid of failure, and not being liked. I want everyone to think highly of me. I was told by a friend that you have to impress everyone or you will have no one. I now know that isn't true. But when your in kindergarten, that leaves a lasting impression. I'm afraid Ill lose everyone.
The reason I take my shower at 9....... I know this is weird. But when I would take a shower/bath sense forever ago, it was at 9. And I don't like change, so 9 is stays.
The reason I never stop smiling....... My dad told me one time when he was in the hospital, "no matter how bad things are everyday is a miracle and don't ever take that for grated or stop smiling." So I don't.
The reason I get really anxious....... I am terrified of things. Terrified of failure and change and death. I get really anxious when someone talks to me because I am afraid of them talking about those things. I know that everyone dies and there is no reason to be scared of death, its not really death I'm scared of. Its losing someone who means so much to me. I cry over the stupidest things because they remind me of something someone did that I have lost.
Morel of this post, don't judge people. You have seen what they do, not why. You know there name but not there story.
Cameron-Elizabeth
