Blogaversery!

Well, I missed it.
My blogaversery was the 7th. I missed it. :( However I remembered a few days later.
What a year this has been. I am so thankful I decided to do this. I am thankful for ya'll reading this. It means a lot to me. I hope I have helped someone out there.
I know this is an Asthma blog, so ill give you a little update on mine.
I was put back on steroids a few weeks ago, and then got all that mess cleared up, thankfully. I am off of them again. Which is nice. I'm still having issues, not gonna lie. But I think its gotten better (knock on wood.)
Please feel free to email me..... thekidwithasthma

Cameron-Elizabeth

Friday the 13th!

Today is Friday the 13th.
I had an AP Gov essay today. I think I did ok on it, it wasn't the hardest thing in the world, but it wasn't the easiest.
I also re did a pre calc test. That I think I did pretty bad on. I know that's not good to say, but I'm not so confident about that one.
I got my chem test back, I made a 95%!!!! I was so excited about that. But I get science, its easy to me.
Not only is all that going on, but tomorrow is distribution day! I get to go help with something my church does a couple hours away. More info on that to come.
I'm also getting used to the course work of AP Gov and the other classes. Its still difficult, but I'm getting used to it.
Just thought I would give you a quick update!
Feeling fantastic, and super excited! :)

Cameron-Elizabeth

Sorry...

Ok, with starting school I have been really busy, and I apologize for that. It is completely my fault that I haven't been on.
I sit here at almost 9 writing this. I have had a long weekend. I haven't felt good and on top of that, I had an A. P. test today.
On Saturday and Sunday I was barley home at all, and I'm not saying that's a bad thing. But it definitely took a toll and me.
On Saturday I had a church thing starting at 10. Then I was home for about 10 minutes and we had to leave to go to a wedding shower. We were in charge of games. Then after that ended we went to a "met the youth pastor" type thing. I was feeling so bad at that point. I was having breathing issues, and my shoulder and leg hurt because of how long I was in the car. We ended up going home early and I missed a lot of fun stuff. :(
On Sunday, I had church service. Directly after that, we voted on our youth pastor. He is now our official youth pastor. Then I went home for an hour. Then we went to do dress alterations. After that, I went to AWANA and then youth. I really just wanted to go home.
So, all and all, I feel crappy. I'm not gonna wine about how miserable I am. I'm just happy I woke up today. That's something to do a praise for!
But, Asthma does suck. I have had Asthma all my life, and almost 16 years later, we are still trying to figure out how to control it. So, if your out there living with Asthma and think your the only one, you aren't. I'm right here in that boat with you.

Cameron-Elizabeth

Rights, Wrongs and who decides

I know what's right and what's wrong.
I act upon what I think is right, and what I think is wrong. Some people have different versions of what they think is wrong verses right.
My parents always taught me different things they thought were right and wrong. But on some of the things I disagree. I'm not just talking about acts, but medical decisions too.
I am at the point that I am old enough to decide what I want done to me and put in me, and what I don't want. I don't want to take my inhaler everyday. I don't want to be on and off of antibiotics. I don't want the side effects of everything. I know that's what's "right". I know I should do it. But I don't want to. I want to be "normal".
What I want is to decide for myself what is "right" and what is "wrong". I want to decide what I put in MY body.
Some people think its "wrong" for someone who is only 15 to decide what happens to them medically. But I know what will happen if I stop taking my meds. I also understand the side effects of what I am taking now.
Today I didn't take anything. Well see how it plays out. But I'm hoping Ill be OK for now.

My Sisters Keeper is a perfect example of what I'm talking about. Kate has Leukemia. Anna, her little sister, was born just to be someone to take body parts from. Kate decided that she didn't want any more treatment, or Anna to give her anything. Kate knew she was dying, and that was that. She was OK with it. Kate just wanted it to end. Anna wanted that for her. They went through this whole long draw out fight. Any way, Kate ends up dying because she wanted to. It was her decision.
Just like it should be mine on what I want to do to myself. Whether the doctors or anyone else thinks its "wrong".

Cameron-Elizabeth

Military songs

This is another Music Monday thing. But all these songs are gonna be like military songs that I really like.

• John Michael- Letters From Home
• Tim McGraw- If Your Reading This
• Welcome Home.....A Soldiers Song*
• Toby Keith- American Soldier
• David Ball- Riding With Privet Malone
• Trace Adkins- Arlington

Some of those songs, actually most of them are kinda of sad. Some of them are a little old too. But in my opinion, there still really good. Sorry this post is kinda short, I promise there's a longer one coming.

Cameron-Elizabeth!
*I do not know the actual name, or singer of that song. But if you click the link you can listen to it. :)

Itll be all ok

It'll be all ok is the name of a song, by JC Van Luyn. Here is the link!

Its another military song that I love. Probly my favorite song, well pretty close.

Don’t be afraid
I’ll be coming home one day
I hope and pray
To God and Jesus every day to keep me safe
Don’t let the kids stay up too late
Make sure you pay all the bills while I’m away

Don't worry about it, Im comin home. I pray that Ill be safe, make sure the kids go to sleep on time and you pay the bills. Keep living without me.

It’ll be all ok,
It'll be all ok,
 It’ll be all ok,

It'll all be ok

Step on outside
Can you see the stars tonight
There’s one bright light
Shining on you, that’s me tonight
I’m right by your side
All you have to do is close your eyes
I’ll be right by your side
Sleeping with you while you sleep tonight

I'm watching you tonight, I'm right next to you. Just close your eyes and you'll see.

It’ll be all ok
It’ll be all ok
It’ll be all ok

It'll all be ok

More than a year
It’s been too damn long since I’ve been here
And these letters of fear
You’ve sent to me are filled with tears
No need for your tears
It’s only mortars in the atmosphere
Once I’m free from here
I’ll bring along some souvenirs

I've been gone for more then a year and that's way to long. I keep getting these letters from you scared, there's no need for them. Ill bring you guys home some cool stuff.

It’ll be all ok,
It’ll be all ok,
It’ll be all ok,

It'll all be ok

Sandstorms and wind now where do I should I begin
Most of my friends are dead and gone from my defense
Last night I dreamt that I would never wake up again
I wanted this to end but these wounds of war are hard to mend

There's sandstorms and wind here. Most of my friends died protecting me. Last night I dreamt I died, I just want this to end.

It’ll be all ok
It’ll be all ok
It’ll be all ok

It'll all be ok

Don’t be afraid cause I’ll be coming home today
Make sure you pray to God and Jesus every day
To keep you safe and all the kids while I’m away
So don’t wait too late
I’ll be home
I’m on my way

Don't worry, Ill be home today! Make sure you guys keep praying, to keep all of you guys safe. Don't wait, Ill be there. Im on my way home.

It’ll be all ok
It’ll be all ok
It’ll be all ok

Itll all be ok

Step on outside
Can you see the stars tonight
There’s one bright light
Shining on you and the kids tonight
I’m right by your side
All you have to do is close your eyes and I’m right by your side…
On my way home, I’m on my way back home, in your arms tonight

Come outside, can you see the stars? That bright light is me. Im right by you guys.



More Music!

"Without music, life would be a mistake"

I have another list of songs that I wanted to share with everyone.

• Hunter Hayes- More then I should
• Jessie J- Domino
• Christina Perri- Bang Bang Bang
• One Direction- What makes you beautiful
• Stereo Skyline- Kiss me in the morning
• Avril Lavigne- My happy ending
• Avril Lavigne- Sk8er boy
• Jason Alden- Hicktown
• Alex G- Tale as old as time

I absolutely love music. And the songs I have listed above are songs I listen to when Im getting ready for school. I get really into them and there just fun songs. Oh, and the quote above is by Friedrich Nietzsche.

I know I said my next post would have my bracelets and the movie list. But I thought a music Monday would be funner. And plus, I cant find my camera at this moment in time.

Cameron-Elizabeth!

What Ive been up to!

Hey guys!

So these past few months have been kind of busy. And challenging to. I've been balancing school and homework and chores and everything else going on. I don't do well in school. Actually that's an understatement. I suck at everything related to school. Well other then science. I have had almost no free time. But, schools over! Praise the lord! Im so glad about that, no more waking up at 6 and having 6 hours of my day wasted on just sitting there doing nothing of importance to me. I have had a rough year school and life wise. My grades have gone down hill really fast, and I am not proud of that. But when your home sick half the time it gets kinda hard to keep up with your grades. Im not using that as and excuse, but I mean it is. Any way, I got my English final back. 95! I made a 95! How awesome is that!

My goal of playing softball this summer didn't happen. For a couple reasons. Asthma, money, and were supposed to be traveling a lot. So I mean I guess Im ok with that. I love softball and it kind of upsets me that Im not playing AGAIN! If I had played at school and then didn't this summer I would be fine. But I was completely counting on playing this summer. But whatever, Im looking forward to everything else going on this summer.

I finally got my bracelets after waiting 6 months. I'm doing another fundraiser for the Leukemia and Lymphoma society. If anyone would like to buy one, please email me. thekidwithasthma@gmail.com This charity is something I have been involved in for a few years and I love doing it. So, Ill post a picture of them later.

I also just got my ap gov textbook for school. I have actually started the assignment I have to do too! I'm so excited! I am not going to procrastinate like I normally do. But I do have to figure out which movie I'm going to watch. The list will be in my next post with the bracelets. But there's like 8 movies all related to presidents and I have to chose one and answer some questions about it. I also have 3 essays and notes. Oh and a online chapter quiz. I have already almost finished the notes.

I really want to get a laptop sometime soon, just cause I want my own computer and that way I can do school work on it and I can do it in my room. Speaking of my room, I don't know if I mentioned it already or not, but I got a new bed frame! It boosted my bed up like 2 feet which feels kinda weird. And my cat thinks its still the same height so he's ran into the corner of it a few times. That's really funny to see. I have been so happy lately. I have amassing friends who have been hanging out with me a lot lately and I absolutely love it! And I love my cousin randomly calling me up to take me to dinner and ice cream. I miss doing our little Camy and Jessy days. We have so much fun!
Feeling Incredible! :)

Cameron-Elizabeth

Everything has a story behind it

Everything has a story behind it.

The reason I wont show people how bad I feel, there is a story there. The reason I don't complain about pain, another story. The reason no one will ever see me upset, another story. The reason I try to impress everyone I know. The reason I take my shower at 9 and no other time. The reason I never stop smiling. The reason I get really anxious.

The reason I wont show people how bad I feel....... When I was little like 7ish, I saw my dad at the sickest he had been in years. He would go out and do things and not let anyone see how bad he felt. Just like my amazing grandfather. Like father like son and then daughter. Well I told myself then that no matter how bad I feel I will be as strong as my daddy.

The reason I don't complain about pain....... I have seen how much people can hurt. The real tears that can not be held back. In the ER, people who are in pain that couldn't ever be compared to what I feel. I hurt. I am not going to tell anybody though. My brother told me when I was like 4 that no matter how bad something hurts I can tell him, but I have to be a strong girl for my parents. I don't complain to anyone for that reason. I have to be strong. Not weak.

The reason no one will see me upset........ Goes with the one above, I have to be strong. Not weak.

The reason I try to impress everyone....... I am afraid of failure, and not being liked. I want everyone to think highly of me. I was told by a friend that you have to impress everyone or you will have no one. I now know that isn't true. But when your in kindergarten, that leaves a lasting impression. I'm afraid Ill lose everyone.

The reason I take my shower at 9....... I know this is weird. But when I would take a shower/bath sense forever ago, it was at 9. And I don't like change, so 9 is stays.

The reason I never stop smiling....... My dad told me one time when he was in the hospital, "no matter how bad things are everyday is a miracle and don't ever take that for grated or stop smiling." So I don't.

The reason I get really anxious....... I am terrified of things. Terrified of failure and change and death. I get really anxious when someone talks to me because I am afraid of them talking about those things. I know that everyone dies and there is no reason to be scared of death, its not really death I'm scared of. Its losing someone who means so much to me. I cry over the stupidest things because they remind me of something someone did that I have lost.

Morel of this post, don't judge people. You have seen what they do, not why. You know there name but not there story.

Cameron-Elizabeth

When do you become old enough?

So I realized my last post didn't explain the whole dance like a dreamer. Well that has been something that I like to put on everything. It started when I was like 3, when I started dancing. My parents got me this pink and purple dance bag the says "dance like a dreamer" on it. I wanted to dance the nutcracker so bad. I knew it and could do all the moves. Well when auditions came around I tried out. It was amassing, I was just to young. That was a little mean. I was at the level with the older girls, but I wasn't "old" enough. That was my dream when I was little. Dancing in the nutcracker.

Im sick of this whole, your not old enough. Your to young. When exactly do I become old enough? Is there a day that everyone born in 1998 becomes old enough on may 4th? I don't believe there is. I think this is so stupid. When you say someone is to young why don't you give an age? They could have said, "Cameron, you dance really good and I would love to put you in the dance, but this part is for an older girl. When your 15 (or some other age) you should try out." No, that didn't happen, I wasn't even told politely. I understand that you have to be 18 to go to an R rated movie. And 21 to be served alcohol. But what about everything else?

Cameron-Elizabeth

Dance Like A Dreamer

I love dance. There is no way around that. Dance was my life for a long time and I still love and miss it. I unfortunately had to stop for a number of reasons that are not that important. But every time I get the chance to learn a new dance, or do an old one. I do. I love it. I love being in chorus and be the one the catches the dance quickest. Fortunately I am able to watch a dance once or twice and get it. We are doing a dance to every song we are singing. Well there's like 9 songs and only 2 weeks until the concert. That's like 2 dances a day to learn! Well the bad thing is that I cant learn more then one dance at a time. If you would wait a few hours and then try to show me that would work. But 2 dances in an hour and a half does not work!

I have been very fortunate when it comes to everything. I had a very good weekend last weekend. I went to my cousins weeding and had a ton of fun! She looked beautiful! The bridesmaids looked beautiful. Not to tot my own horn, but I looked pretty good too. The entire wedding was beautiful. Well until everyone started crying. But it was all good and we went on the rest of the day. I had a very fun time.

Cameron-Elizabeth!

Dance Like A Dreamer And Dance Forever!

My Shoes

So this week I got a pair of really nice shoes. I absolutely love them. This is the first pair of name brand shoes I have ever had (There Nike's) I didn't ask for them which is my big thing. My dad just asked me if I needed new sneakers (I did) and I told him yes. I wear shoes until they are literally falling apart. My old sneakers were. So we went out to omega sports and got a pair.

I don't like asking my dad or mom or anyone for a matter of fact for money. I don't ask for a new sweatshirt or dress. But my parents will ask, "Cameron, would you like a new jacket?" I don't have a problem with saying yes to that. But I wont ask. My dad spent $80 on these shoes, but they will last me an incredibly long time. My sister has a problem with this. She asks for money all the time to do this and that and get the newest fad. So she decides I am going to annoy everyone and blame my sister for all my problems. I feel like she doesn't appreciate what our parents do for us. She thinks they are an endless supply of money, which they are not. I pay attention and I see how my dad has to go with out things and tell us no. I am fine with that, I don't have a problem with being told I cant do something because it hurts the family. However my sister sees it that she can do anything and thell just pay for it. I don't get everything I want, but I understand why.

My dad has worked his butt off to provide us with what we need. Wants are a different story. My dad gets necessities and he makes sure no matter what we have food and clothes and a place to live. It may not be what I want to eat, it may not be the most expensive clothes or the prettiest, I may not live in the biggest house, but its not the smallest. I love my parents, I love my brother and sisters. I love my friends. I don't love knowing that I cant do anything to change my families situation. I know I have everything I need. I know I have people who love me, that's what gets me through. And of course I have this blog.

Stress can cause asthma attacks. I manage. I ran a half mile today, no stopping. This is something I have wanted to accomplish forever. I had physical therapy today. That was pretty cool. I wrote a letter to an old friend. I made sure I told him how much I love him and miss him. This isn't going anywhere don't worry. He's like a brother. I really miss him though. We grew up together and we used to do everything together. I got a new inhaler, they added an allergy medication too. Were hoping that this has some effect on me. I hope it does.

Cameron-Elizabeth

I am going to help!

So if you have read my blog before you know I don't like help. I don't like having someone help me or ask for help. Well I have learned that it is much easier when trying to help someone with a chronic illness that you say, I will help you, instead of, Can I help you. When someone asks, "Can I help you?" You can easily say no. Simple, you can say no. But if you don't give people the option to say no then they have to let you help them.

As everyone knows spring break is either coming up or your on it. Well mine is coming up really soon. (2 days) I am beyond excited. My brother is going to come over and work on my house. My little sister and I have some fun things planned for this week.

The week of April 25th is going to be a super busy week for me. My cousin K is getting married to my soon to be cousin D. K is a nurse working at a hospital by the beach. There wedding is going to be at the beach or coast as well. I am so excited about that. I get to go on a 2 day vacation. I still have to get a dress for the wedding which is one of the things I am doing over spring break.

I have a new list of favorite songs:

1. International Harvester
2. Hicktown
3. Beer Money
4. Hillbilly Bone
5. Beer With Jesus
6. I Drive Your Truck
7. If Heaven Wasn't So Far Away 
8. Wanted
9. I Wanna Talk About Me

That's my obsessively played songs right now.  Happy Easter to everyone!

Cameron-Elizabeth

March!

Hey Everyone!
So this is going to be a post about not to much. Just a little update. I helped move my grandma out of her apartment 2 weeks ago. It was actually fun. Believe it or not. I have never moved before so it was cool helping. I took some really amassing photos today. I think I am going to be getting a water prof camera soon. (I hope so) I cut my bangs they happen to be kind of short right now which isn't my favoritest thing ever. I learned El Salvador is 2 words. I finished reading Romeo and Juliet. I got my Nook working.  We got a new (white) couch. I met some new friends. I stopped talking to some old friends. I asked for help. Which is a great feat for me. I have been dealing with stuff lately that I really don't like.

My grandma died on Tuesday. I had my moments with her. We didn't get along sometimes. But you have to forgive people. That's what I did. The same grandma that I helped move. Surprisingly this hit me really hard. But at the same time everyone thinks I am this big rock that you can come and talk to. I even had a friend tell me Friday that if I hadn't told her she would have never known. Well it really didn't seem real the first couple days. All I could think about was that though. It seemed like I was just going through the actions. But yesterday it really sunk in when we went to the florist. It hit me, I don't have grandparents anymore. None, biological that is of course. I still have a grandmother that kind of adopted me as her grandchild. So did my grandpa, he died when I was 3. But he meant the world to me. Any way, she died on Tuesday. My dad is taking it really hard, he trys to be this big macho man, but I know hes not. He came in my room last night in tears and told me he couldn't believe she was gone and he would never she her again. My uncle is being strong too, telling everyone that its OK. I believe him.
I think this is going to take time because of how much everyone saw her, but we will be OK. I know we will. I think part of why I am so upset is because I never got to say bye before she moved. And I partially blame my dad for that. I know I shouldn't, its not right. But its hard not to. I feel like there is so much I wanted to tell her.

Its March! I love March. Just as a little up beat last words.

Cameron-Elizabeth

Charonic Illness And Kids.....

Well it wasn't until a few days ago the I found out Asthma is a chronic illness. So I started researching. When I did I found a website, right here. I started reading about what kids feel like and how they act when the suffer from a chronic illness. Feel free to read the page.

Well when I began reading about how kids feel and such it made sense, it sounded exactly like they were describing me. Like when I was about to go into kindergarten I was testing my parents limits. Knowing I had all the restrictions I did I wanted to see what I really could get away with. And my parents did the right thing. They would give me alternatives. I would still get things accomplished and I still wasn't allowed to do the things I wanted. But I got to do other things. I wasn't allowed to go swimming during the summer, but I was allowed to go to a museum and get ice cream. So they would find things I could do instead. And when I started getting older in elementary school I thought it was my fault. I thought it was like being punished for hitting my sister or not eating my veggies. That is not true! I began realizing I couldn't do what everyone else was and I was different. My parents would make sure I knew it wasn't my fault. That nothing I did or didn't do caused this. And when I started middle school I hated it, I didn't want to do everything I had to stay well. I started denying there was anything wrong with me. I wanted more then anything to be like everyone else. It sucked. But again my parents did the right thing. They would sit down and explain to me the consequences of my actions. Like if I didn't take something, I would be sick and couldn't do what I wanted. I now understand that I need to listen to my parents and doctors. Then I can stay wellish.

What I have realized I need now and needed before are really not that hard. I need honesty from my parents and health care team. I need to be able to confide in someone. I need my parents to make sure were still a family. I need my parents to have a positive attitude. I feel like that's what all kids with chronic illness need. Someone to tell them it will get better.

I have been there and done that. I know what it feels like. So if you ever need someone to  talk to email me. thekidwithasthma@gmail.com I will always reply to everyone.

Cameron-Elizabeth

Being a kid with Asthma

I can tell you from experience that having asthma as a kid is tough. I know the feeling of being excluded and lonely, fearful and anxious, upset and scared. It has been shown the kids more often then adults have mental disorders linked to asthma. Like anxiety disorders or mood disorders. There are tons of things you have to watch out for that most kids don't.

I can remember being in elementary school and my friends excluding me from things. I quickly became aware of it. I can also remember being sick and not allowed to participate in recess, all the kids stared at me. It became apparent that they didn't want me there because I couldn't do what they did. It was depressing. I was excluded and lonely all the time. I became the "teachers pet" because everyone else ignored me. I would cry about it. When I started crying I couldn't stop, then I couldn't breath, then I got scared and even more upset. It was a never ending cycle. I was afraid of going to recess and everyone ignoring me. That's where the anxiety comes from. I HATED IT! But I am here to tell everyone that it gets better. I learned that I can make up for physical things by being smarter then everyone.

Kids with asthma often have to be careful when doing things. For the simple fact of triggers. Been there done that. I have to make sure that if I go to someones house who has a dog or cat that I don't touch my face at all. Pet hair and dander set my asthma off. I have to check the air quality outside to make sure I can go out and do things. I mean these things sound really annoying, they are. I am not going to lie and tell you you get used to it. But it does become a habit more then a forced action. I have not let this stop me. There are still things you can do with asthma. You just have to do it differentially. But there are things you can not do. This is all speaking about me. This does very for each person. But if you ever need someone to talk to, I am here. Feel free to email me at thekidwithasthma@gmail.com

Cameron-Elizabeth

Life

Maybe things aren't meant to be forever. We live, we die. What happens in between is what makes us who we are.

I finally was able to go back to school last week. I have been loaded with a ton of work. I got my report card wich is something I have been dreading since I found out my grades. I told my parents. My dad was very understanding. He waved it off and said that I can do better and he wants to see my homework and if I have a problem I can talk to him. My mom on the other hand. She was not so understanding. She also has been very nosey of late.

Softball......I have been practicing so much lately. To the point that I now have to take a week off of that for my shoulder. Something I have been battling for a few years. I really need to just chill with it and fix it before I hurt it more. The only problem is that means letting people do things for me. Not good at that. But I don't think I am going to do school ball. I really don't know any more.

School.........I start health tomorrow. Sex ed. Fun. Sarcasm there in case you didn't get that. My friend just got done with it and the first thing he told me, "The most awkward thing I have ever done, take sex ed sitting next to a pregnant girl." Thank the lord we don't have a pregnant girl in my class. Well I am not taking it. I have to sit in the library and do work.

Maybe things really are not meant to be forever. Maybe things are supposed to last for a specific already designated time. We live, we die. Its the cycle of life. What we do in between the beginning and end makes us, us. The things that change peoples minds.

Friends......I have some truly amazing friends. But I also have the friend that wants everyone to feel bad for her. She makes up stories to get attention. Like last year I was saying something about my dad being in the hospital. And she starts rattling off all these things that happened to her. Literally there was a list of them, her dog died, her dad was in the hospital, she was depressed, her cousin killed himself, she had to talk her friend out a suicide. I know that stuff sounds really bad. But when your picked up in a car with your dad and your dog, people wonder. Then the next week she slipped up and said something about how we all believed her. You don't lie about those things. And then this year, she has slept with one of my male friends who has a girlfriend. Sorry this whole paragraph is a rant.

Thank you to everyone who has read this!

Cameron-Elizabeth

My goal

Color the world in your own colors. Make it your own. Scribble through the bad times and slowly color the good memories. Don't forget to use your favorite colors. Try to leave the ugly ones behind.

I am done. Done trying to impress people. I am done worrying what others think of me. I will admit I am concerned about my looks. I am done with caring about the dirty looks. Done.
I worry about things I shouldn't. I am not old enough to worry about these things. But its hard when you are constantly being told no, we don't have the money. But then your little sister gets to do things she wants. The one thing I want to do so incredibly bad is play softball. Yes there is a school team. That is not what I mean. I want to play travel ball. I want that sense of everyone caring. Not the oh I got stuck with you guys thing.

So I was asked the other day what my goals are. This is how the conversation went.
"So, Cam. What are your goals."
"At school or all the time?"
"All the time"
"Physical or mental or both"
"Both"
"Well, physically I want to be able to do things with out carrying my inhaler around. I don't want to have to carry it EVERYWHERE."

That is a simple goal I want to achieve. Is it realistic. Probably not anytime soon, but long term maybe. I have gotten to the point where walking upstairs has become a challenge. Not a challenge like I cant. But I can make it up them and can barley breath. Now my friend "S" has told me that even she has problems with stairs. Not because she cant breath, but because of her hip. I feel like I hold them back. I have amassing friends who specifically wont do what they want to because they want to make sure I have a friend with me. I feel like its my fault there giving up things. It is. I know it is. I feel like a 3rd wheel. I feel like they would be able to do whatever they wanted if I wasn't there. But at the same time, I feel like we have a ton of fun together.

Another goal of mine that is physical I shared in my Bucket List post. I want to do the London marathon.
A) I don't live in London
B) I can not physically do it right not

Well I have added to that. I want to do it with out my inhaler. The day I can throw my inhaler aside and go out for a jog will be the happiest day of my life. Even happier then getting married. I haven't been able to go for a "real" jog in over a year. I can go on walks and things, but a "real" jog is out of the question. What I mean by "real" is a good mile to two. I can do super short sprints, not jogs.

Cameron-Elizabeth

I Know How Lonely It Is

I have bad days.

I think everyone knows that. Everyone has bad days. Some days drag on forever. Some days don't look like they have an end. But they all do. No matter how far they may be.

Sometimes you can turn your day completely around. It isn't as hard as it seems. All you have to do is be happy. I know that can be the hardest thing in the world. But take a minute to think about how it could be worse. Everyday you wake up is a blessing. Try to find something that makes you happy. I look for RAKs. Random Acts of Kindness. Seeing that there are still good people left in the world makes me happy. Or animals. Seeing animals interacting with each other I love.

So on one of my bad days this week I decided to do something fun. I DIYed my inhaler. (DIY means Do It Yourself) I covered it in duct tape. Not regular duct tape. Duct tape with penguins! It is the coolest thing I have ever seen.

I don't know about everyone reading this blog, but when I was little I was incredibly embarrassed to use my inhaler. I was also embarrassed when I had to leave my own party to get a nebulizer treatment. I feel like if someone would have told me about this when I was little I wouldn't have been so ashamed.

Let me tell you about the party I had to leave...I was turning 9 and it was the smallest party I had ever had. 4 friends and my cousin. (who also has asthma) We were in the middle of playing musical chairs and I had to sit down, so I did. Then of course it was noticed that Cameron-Elizabeth sat down in the middle of the game. So I was reluctantly carried upstairs to do a nebulizer treatment. In the middle of it my cousin came up and sat with me. Didn't say a word until I asked him why he came up. He then responded, " Cam, I have had to do this too. I know how lonely it is. I thought you needed a friend." Now I don't remember the rest of the party. But him coming up and sitting with me meant the world.

I can honestly say, I know how lonely it is. To sit there by yourself knowing everyone else is enjoying something you want. Been there, done that, don't want to go back. If you every want someone to talk to about it, I am here for you. :)

Cameron-Elizabeth

Plan C

Sometimes it is easier to say I don't care then explain all the reasons you do

I have a bad habit of that. I don't want to sit down and explain why I care. There are things I care about that I don't know why I do, I just do. Saying I don't and whatever are bad habits of mine. They don't fix anything. If they do anything its make it worse. I just don't know how to tell someone that I do care. I don't want to leave, I don't want you to leave, I want everything to stay the same. I want everything to go back to how it was when I was 7, perfect. I want my dad to run and hug me everyday. I want me brother to pick me up and spin around. I want my mom to come home a 5:30 so we can eat what my dad cooked. I want my dad to coach my softball team, I want him to run a mile with me everyday. I want to be OK.

Recently I have been thinking. About a lot. What would life be like if my parents didn't fight. What would life be like if my sister and I didn't fight. What if my dad never got sick. What would happen if something happened to my parents. What would happen if something happened to me. Where would we go. Who would take us.

The last few questions I have talked to my parents about. My sister and I are supposed to be shipped to some old friends of my parents. People I have never met. People who are strong Catholics and don't allow there daughter to wear shorts. That is not where I want to go. You need a back up plan for kids. I know that's not what parents want to think about. But there is that what if. I do not want to be shipped to those weird people. Think about how awkward it would be.......

There is another plan c. We have discussed it. My sister and I like it. There are a few kinks in the plan though. Some that really need worked out.

Cameron-Elizabeth

Thankful

“You've gotta dance like there's nobody watching, Love like you'll never be hurt, Sing like there's nobody listening, And live like it's heaven on earth.”

You cant be concerned about what everyone thinks of you. There will be those people who you should care about impressing. Like your boss. I am thankful for knowing this. For knowing that no matter what I do I have to make myself happy. That normally isn't the first thing I do. Normally everyone else's happiness comes first.

I am thankful for everyone who helps me with my fundraisers. I am thankful for my teachers who have been real amazing this past week. I am thankful for my brother and dad for fixing our car. I am thankful for my dad for being my super hero. I am thankful for my sister for being someone who cares greatly for me. I am thankful for my friend "Em" who called me the other day just to say hi. I am thankful for my cousin for giving me all the details about what is OK and not OK for a kid my age to be doing. I am thankful for my mom for helping me with my 750 piece puzzle.

I say thank you and sorry way to often. Its like every 30 minutes I say thank you or I'm sorry. This has been drilled into my head. You say thank you for everything. It is a blessing and a curse. I am glad I do it because people think of you in a nicer perspective when you say thank you. But at the same time, people have told me it is really annoying.

My class got new seats in algebra 2. I sit in the very front, which isn't that bad. My friend "S" sits behind me which I love. This other girl sits next to me which is cool cause shes nice. Then there are 2 boys on either side of "S". The seats are set up like a pyramid except without the very top. So there are 2 seats then 3. Back to the boys. Both of them are incredibly annoying. One of them likes to cheat off of "S" then the other isn't even supposed to sit there.

Cameron-Elizabeth

Coke or Pepsi?

Well personally I am a Coke kind of girl. But that is not the point of this. I found my old Coke or Pepsi book and wanted to do some questions out of it

1. Something make believe you wished was real- Fairies
2. Something real you wished was fake- Cancer
3. Last conversation with and about- My dad, about me taking anatomy and phis
4. Where do you do your heaviest thinking- The shower
5. How often do you wash your hair- Everyday
6. Ultimate road trip game- The geography game
7. Are you patient- Not at all
8. Something you own that would surprise your friends- Pants*
9. Are you always on time- Yes
10. Something dumb you did as a little kid- Play hide and seek and not do the seeking
11. Have you ever used a toothpick- Yes
12. How do you wear your hair most of the time- Pony tail or braid
13. Ever had poison ivy- No
14. Ever dress up your pet- Yep in Build-A-Bear clothes
15. Talk during movies- Yes
16. Sing in the shower- Dah
17. Scared of clowns- A little
18. How often do you raise your hand in class- Not very
19. Do you stick to plans or wing it- Wing it, always have a plan B
20. Are you good at photography- Yes

Cameron-Elizabeth!

*Let me explain this. I wear shorts during summer spring winter and fall. I rarely ever actually wear long pants, or skirts, or dresses. So that sounded a lot weirder then I would have liked.

Music

So I think I'm gonna tell you guys my play list. No reason just thought it would be cool

These are the songs I get real into:

• The A Team- Ed Sherran
• King of anything- Sara Bereilles
• Die Young- Ke$ha
• We Are Young- Fun
• I wont give up- Jason Marz
• Home- Phillip Phillips
• Cry With You- Hunter Hayes
• All You Ever- Hunter Hayes
• Not Afraid- One Direction
• Secrets- One Republic
• Kiss You- One Direction
• Payphone- Maroon 5
• Everybody Talks- Neon Trees

That is all I can think of right now.

Cameron-Elizabeth

Light The Night!

So this is something I like to share with people, I raise money for the Light The Night walk. The Light The Night walk is a walk to raise money for Leukemia and Lymphoma. This walk is something I am very involved in, last year I raised over $500. I am super thankful for the people that have supported me with this. My goal this year is to raise $2500. I know big leap there.

I am a very country girl. I am stuck in the middle of a city, way out of my comfort zone. I love horses, even though I have a tendency to call them ponies. I love horses, I know how to ride and very badly want to enter competitions. I have always loved this city, I have always lived here. I have never lived on a farm, I still am way out of my comfort zone. I am ready for this challenge..... This my be hard, but I can do it!

Something my friend suggested I could do was have a fundraiser involving horses. Neither of us know how, but well figure it out.

So as fundraising goes I haven't started yet. I hope to soon. I also hope to recruit more people for the actual walk. You can go look at the website right here! Feel free to contact me if you would like. I am more than willing to talk to you about the walk, or anything. :)

Cameron-Elizabeth

Happy

Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect, it just means you have decided to smile through the imperfections. I am in complete agreement.

Everyone cant be happy all the time. But I know it is better for everyone if there is that one person you can always count on to be happy. That person is me! I am a happy kid, I just am, no reason. I can tell you that nothing in my life is picture perfect. I have to develop from the negative. Which I do everyday.

I have an obsession with puzzles. I don't know. I love all puzzles, as long as they have a ton of pieces. I just got a new one with a whole lot of different birds, 750 pieces! I will post a pic when it is done. Yea! Puzzles calm me down. I don't know why, they just do. Most of my friends just get super frustrated. Not this chick.

I am super happy right now, really. No faking. I have gotten to do so much that I wanted to do this week and last weekend. My dad is amazing. There is never a dull moment with him. So I got a new watch the other day. I had no idea how to work it. So I gave the watch and directions to my dad. He starts mumbling to himself, something about how I cant read this tiny print, only a kid could read this, what about the old people. Any way, I end up reading the directions to him, he repeats every word like this: "press and hold B" "Press and hold B, which button is B" This continued for a half hour then he magically goes "I got it !" He did, now my watch works!

I have to go make brownies. Bye Luvs!

Cameron-Elizabeth

Good Times

Life is like a camera, focus on whats important, capture the good times, develop from the negative, and if it doesn't work out, take another shot.

I have got all of my pictures uploaded from my camera. Normally I will wait till all 712 pictures are taken and I have to upload them. This time I only waited until 556. It still took me a while. I love photography. I take incredibly good pictures and am hoping to get a new camera soon. Life is a bigger picture than just the one thing that happened.

I haven't been able to do alot of things recently. Physically that is.So I have started taking photos of everything. The trees, flowers, the sky, anything. I haven't gotten to the whole editing stage yet. I have tryed but am not good. The camera I have is amazing, and I love it. I got it a few years ago, I am still trying to figure out what all the buttons do. I don't do the whole people picture thing. I take photos of animals and nature and things. Not people. I hate how girls do the dumb duck face thing. No, not attractive. I refuse to either do that or take a picture of it. It is the stupidest thing ever.

My asthma is super bad at the moment, with the hacking and nasty stuff included. Yea, ewww! I do not like the coughing either. I feel like a disturbance when I do. Especially when were doing family things, and everyone stops to let me cough. I know that's just what happens or whatever, but it is annoying.

Life is to short to focus on the negative. There is no need to. Just get up and make a new positive, an joy life. I have learned that if you sit and moop about the bad things you wont have any time to enjoy the good things. I like to do things that most people would definitely hesitate on doing. There is one thing I am not a huge fan of that took me a little while to try, roller coasters. I have learned that is the opportunity comes, why not take it. I would rather know I tryed it and didn't like it then regret that I didn't try it at all.

Let me leave everyone with a happy face!

:)

Cameron-Elizabeth

More than Mistakes

You are more than the mistakes you've made.

There isn't much more to say, but there is a story behind it. Something I will never forget. I had done something that I shouldn't have. Anyway everyone was mad at me, this was like 3 or 4 years ago. That was the first time my dad or sister had ever yelled at me. I remember my sister a hour latter came over to me while I was in tears she said "I still love you, nothing will ever change that." My dad later that night came into my room and sat down and gave me this whole long speech about how what I did was wrong and that I should never do that again. But at the end of it he tells me, " Cam I love you. You are bigger than the mistakes you've made." This was one of those time I didn't feel like it.

That quote has become a reminder over the years that no matter what I do my dad and sister will always love me. I always know that no matter what I can talk to them.

I have made a big mistake that I don't know if I can fix. I got so far behind in all my classes. I mean I got caught up, but I don't think that was good enough. I very afraid of my report card. I don't know how anyone is going to respond. I can legitimately say this is the most afraid I have ever been of telling my dad something. Wish me luck.

Cameron-Elizabeth

Life Is Not Measured By The Number Of Breaths You Take But By The Moments That Take Our Breath Away

Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take but by the moments that take our breath away. I absolutely love the quote. I even have it framed on my wall. I enjoy those moment that you just cant say anything, those moments that mean the world, those moments that will last a life time, those take your breath away moments. I love them...... We have no way of knowing what might happen tomorrow, but if you go ahead and try have 1 take your breath away moment a week I think that's good. I try to look at the positive side of things. Sometimes there isn't I will admit.

My life is insane. In a good way. I have finally caught up on all the school work I missed, thank god. I am trying to get over this cold thing. My asthma isn't very good right now. Speaking of which, I got my new gym teacher. Hes pretty cool. I don't like explaining I have asthma. I feel like I'm complaining, and when I do it makes me sound weak. So I had this very awkward conversation with my new teacher about it. The first thing he said was, "Well what do you want me to do go easy on you?" So he kind of screamed this at me, in the hall way in front of everyone. I mean he was sarcastic, but not the point. I cant deal with being yelled at. I get very upset and start crying. I don't like it when people get mad at me. I have this thing with people not liking me. I want everyone to like me, I need everyone to like me. Any way so he said it was fine and just let him know if I need to stop.

I know my limits, most of the time. I know them, and sometimes don't care. I don't think I should be the one to make myself stop. I know that sounds really stupid, like she should be able to stop herself. I know what I can and cant do. That's not the problem, the problem is that I will push myself until I get to the point that no one can do anything and I end up having to go to the E.R. So I don't think I should be the one who makes the decision of what I can do and when I need to stop.

Cameron-Elizabeth

Those crazy people

The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do-Steve Jobs. I think I might just keep starting my posts like this.....a quote of the day thing. I really like this one, one of my friends showed it to me. I hope that some day I will be able to say I helped change the world. A goal I try to put in action everyday. As many of you know, Steve Jobs was the founder of Apple, and died last year. I don't necessarily want to do what he did, but I want to make an impact like he did. I hope to some day know that I had an impact on someones life.

I want to be a nurse so incredibly bad, so I have been thinking of what kind of nurse. I think I have it narrowed down to 3. The first on my list is a pediatric nurse, I really want to work with kids. The next one is an Emergency Room nurse. Nothing specific about it, just the fast pace of it. The last is one of those Life Flight nurses. I have never ridden on a helicopter which might be good to try.

My freshmen focus class had like 15 people come in to talk to us about careers. Not a single one that I was interested in. I have my mind decided. Unusual for a freshmen? Yes. I am aware. This isn't just a phase, this is something that isn't going to change. Just like my dog thing its not a phase.

Have you ever wished your life was set to music? I know I have, and right now I am listening to Phillip Phillips- Home. Love that song. It feels perfect right now. A hope full song. Things are looking up for me, just have to get past report cards.

Cameron-Elizabeth

The toughest opponent

At the start of each day I remind myself my toughest opponent is in the mirror. Yes as weird as that sounds it is true. Your biggest opponent is you. When you finally accept that and know it then you can conquer it. But until you realize the only opponent you have to beat is you, you wont be as success full. This is on my bathroom mirror...... Which leads me to my next thing. I saw someone do a thing about what they have on there wall. Well I will tell you one of my walls, in my room of course:

• High School Musical Pendent- My best friends mom bought it for me at Disney on Ice
• Carolina Hurricanes Pendent- My dad bought this for me when we went to the final play off game before they won the Stanley Cup in 2006
• My Middle school Pendent- Came with the PTA sign up sheet
• A Ceramic Butterfly and Dragonfly- I happened to actually paint both of those, cool right
• A Tutu- This is the first tutu I wore in a recital
• My Old Dance Shirt- The shirt from the dance place I used to go to
• Letter C- Made of cardboard with these pretty purple and pink flowers

I think that's it. So yep, whats on your wall? I like doing that, I might have to do another one for another wall. Who knows.

Ryan Lochte said the quote I mentioned above, I happen to adore him as well. I saw him win almost all of his races at the Olympics last year. So let me leave you with a question...... Who is your favorite athlete?

Cameron-Elizabeth

How much Influence do your parents have?

So my English teacher has these journal prompts that I absolutely love, so I will be doing alot of them as posts.

How much influence do your parents have?

My parents have a huge deal of influence on me. Good example here. My dad loves cars. When I was like 3 or 4 my dad took me outside to help him. So began my love affair with cars. (Song quote there) Yea, my parents have a ton of influence on me. I think my softball obsession came from him. For my 5th birthday my dad bought me my first bat. I had gone to every softball game he played in. I was there little cheerleader. So when he couldn't play anymore he decided to coach my team. I though it was the coolest thing ever....... my dad the coach! Another really good example, my love of photography. My dad used to take these amazing photos and he would always tell me that someday he wanted one of his photos published. So I am working on becoming that good. My mom has an example to, she had an obsession with cooking so I became a fairly good cook. That's another thing I continue to work on.

So how much influence do/did your parents have on you?

Cameron-Elizabeth

McDonald's

Howdy!

So we watched this movie in health today. Showing how meat is made, where it comes from and such forth. Well I already knew all this. My older sister is a health nut, she sent me this article about whats really in fast food. So of course I have to keep going with that.... Whats in the food we eat everyday? I believe in organic food, not feeding animals corn, and actually letting them eat grass.

In case you didn't know, those big meat packaging companies feed the animals corn. They do this because its cheep. I have a problem with this. They also keep theses chickens in long cage type things. They do not have room to walk, so there legs become crippled and they can barley walk a few steps. They also feed theses animals antibiotics. When doing this we eat that, which means we get the antibiotics. Well the more antibiotics you take the less effective they are. So meat companies, like Tyson, are hurting us.

Another important thing I found out is the McDonald's, as of a year ago, didn't have real chicken. I recommend you read this article right here. If you read all of it, it goes into saying how there is lighter fluid and petroleum in the chicken. Seriously read it. I don't eat fast food, OK, I eat Chick-Fil-A, and sometimes Bojangles. But the point is meat companies and fast food companies are nasty.

Cameron-Elizabeth

Stubborn

Hey!

Strong people always have there lives together. Even with tears in there eyes, they manage to say; "I'm okay" with a smile on there face. In no ways do I consider myself a very strong person. I am strong, but not strong enough to smile through the tears. I can smile through all the pain, but when I break down and cry there is no smiling. I have been there, it has happened at home, it has happened at school. In no way do I consider myself that strong.

I have a bad problem with being stubborn. I have always been this way, I get it from my dad. I do not like taking help. I am very set in my ways, I am happy with myself. I am sure there are people like this that agree. My dad and I will struggle to do something for hours before we ask for help, or end up hurting our selves. Yea, not the best idea.

Right now I am trying to convince my dad that we should get a dog. He keeps saying that there expensive, I wont take care of it, stupid stuff. Well the dog I want, his name is Harley. I told my dad hes perfect because, he is a good running companion, his name is Harley, hes just awesome. I keep doing the name thing because my dad loves Harley's, he had one that he used to call his "baby". It would be a challenge though, I am allergic to animal hair, dogs and cats. I also don't keep my room super clean so he might eat some stuff in there. Any way that is a work in progress.

Cameron-Elizabeth

We don't like what we don't understand, in fact it scares us, and this monster is mysterious at least

Hey!

 We don't like what we don't understand, in fact it scares us, and this monster is mysterious at least..... That comes from beauty and the beast. People are like that. What the don't understand they don't like. I do not agree with it. There are many things I don't understand but still like. Like I don't understand why the sky is blue, but I still like the sky and still like the color blue. People can be very rude when they don't understand things. I have experienced this many time, not only with asthma but with life in general.

For a true hero isn't measured by the size of his strength, but by the strength of his heart. This is another one of my favorite quotes. This one comes from Hercules. It rings out load and clear. I have a tendency to write it on my papers and on my white board and repeat it all the time. A true hero isn't physically strong. They have to be emotionally strong and able. I love this one very much!

 

In case you couldn't tell I love Disney. It all started when I was 3, my dad put in beauty and the beast. This is my favorite movie of all time. I remember her yellow dress and I told my dad I wanted one. Then magically one appeared, right on my bed one morning. Of course I wore it everywhere. Then I became fascinated with the princess. I wanted to be belle, more then anything in the world. I wanted to find my prince charming. I still do. I want to dance with him in a huge ballroom. I want to wear that yellow dress at my wedding, I want the golden colors everywhere. I want to know that I can have a good wedding, with my prince charming. I just want to know Ill be ok.



 

Cameron-Elizabeth