Loooong Update

Here I am, on a Tuesday morning at 1:39 writing this. I got back from an incredible and life changing mission experience a few days ago. I am currently doing VBS with my church which is going swimmingly. Back to Passport.

Passport is a very great mission camp, it focuses not only on doing to mission but also how we can go back into our community and make a change which to me is incredible. It's a week long thing, and boy does that week go bye fast!

As most of you know I've always been a church kid minus a few years where I was lost. I sit here in tears writing this because I can feel God with me. I felt him all week at camp, but hugely on the last day. See, I have grown a lot within the last year alone. I've grown in my faith more than I ever imagined. With that being said I feel like my life has been changed. I feel as if the direction of my life I thought I was being lead down is no longer right, I feel like I'm being lead into ministry. I don't know how to explain it. I truly don't. I feel as if God wants me to do both of these things. He wants me to go into medicine but he also wants me in ministry. I feel like He has completely flipped my life. At some points I wish He could call me up and be like, "Yo girl, I'm gonna send you this this and this, and you can expect this bump and that hurdle but everything will work out. But, I know that's not how God works. It just isn't.

For now I think I'm gonna end this post. I'll try to post more and also share a little more of my spiritual journey.

Your sister in Christ,

Cameron-Elizabeth

Quickie

So, I sit here at almost 11pm on a Sunday night. I'm trying to finish the last of my notes and study for my AP exams in 8 days. I am a little overwhelmed by the amount I have to do. I mean who makes a PowerPoint with 103 slides? That shouldn't even be possible!!! I just got an email telling me that my independent study application has been approved. I'm super excited about that! I have a test to make up tomorrow that were going to split into two sections so I can take as much time as needed. I have been battling with teachers and counselors to get the extended time that I desperately need, and this on going battle I feel like has not gotten me anywhere. Hopefully I can relax tomorrow and possibly go get my cartilage pierced. I'll update in a longer post hopefully tomorrow. (I know I keep saying that. Sorry!!)
Your sister in Christ,
Cameron-Elizabeth

Music...Again!

More Music!!!

I'm gonna do a bunch of different posts with songs from a great group of people. Each post will be someone else.....
The Outsiders
That's the link to the song by Eric Church
Give Me Back My Hometown
By Eric Church
Homeboy
Another Eric Church song
Like Jesus Does
By Eric Church
Carolina
Eric Church
Smoke A Little Smoke
I still like this song, but its not in my top list. Again, by Eric Church

This is just a quick post, but I wanted to do something.

I'm also gonna go ahead and give y'all a mini update:
       I was home sick from school most of last week which means I'm doing a bunch of make up work this week. Everyone has been in a panic because we had two weeks off because of snow, but nothing is being pushed back, so we lost two weeks of instructional time. The week after next my whole school system will be on spring break, and then Easter. So I'm gonna be busy for a while. I'll try and do a more constructive post later. Maybe later tonight actually. Anyway, I hope all of you are well. I'll post again soon.

Cameron-Elizabeth

Do you remember the first time God felt real to you?

I have always felt God with me. I've felt him for my whole life. I knew he was real. There really isn't one set moment where I just felt God with me, and I had faith. I've always had faith but there have been key moments that made me believe even more.

Over the summer I went to a mission camp with Bre, and a few other friends. The last day of this mission trip I felt God with me, more then I think I ever have before. We were at the closing ceremony and Bre and I were next to each other. We started singing our songs, and we said a prayer. During the prayer we held hands with the people next to us. The whole room did it. After we prayed I herd Bre sniffle a little. I thought absolutely nothing of it. We started another song. Bre reached his hand out for mine, and of course I held it. I felt like I was going to cry. I felt like God was there with me, almost telling me it was ok to cry. I squeezed Bre's hand. He squeezed it back. I sniffled a little and tried to hold back the tears. I looked up at Bre and saw him with tears running down his face. I broke down. Everything I had been holding back that week came out. Bre let go of my hand and wrapped his arm around me. I rubbed his back, and he rubbed mine. I felt God that whole week, but somehow I was overwhelmed with his glory. I was over whelmed by the presence he had in that room. Another reason I think I broke down was because that was the last youth trip I will ever have with Bre. I know that God has a plan for him and for me, but it's hard to see the plan before it happens. I felt God then, and I feel him as I write this blog post. I know I'll look back on this in a few years and probably cry. It's important to share.

God puts people into our lives for reasons that we don't know when they come to us. Bre was put into my life to strengthen my faith. As was Ray. Both of them have strengthened my faith so much more then I could have ever imagined. I love them both so much, and am so thankful for them. I hope each and everyone has some one like Bre or Ray in your lives. No matter what faith you are.

Your sister in Christ,
Cameron-Elizabeth

Just Close Enough To Feel

Today has been long. I'm missing my sister and brother-in-law. I miss my niece and nephew. I miss my grandparents. It seems like everyone I want right now is just out of reach. The people I need the most are the farthest away. Today, as I was missing all these incredible people I herd a song on the radio which made me have a break down. The song was, "If Haven Wasn't So Far Away", I cried. I was alone in the car and I just balled.
If heaven wasn't so far away I would be able to talk to my grandfather. Id be able to ask him for advice and what to do next. I'd be able to hug him and tell him I love him. I'd be able to meet my dads dad. I have wanted to meet him my entire life. What I have herd about him is incredible.
That's another thing I missed today. My dad loves talking about my grandfather. He really does, but at the same time he misses his dad. I get that. I have only seen my dad cry 3 times in my life. One of those was when he was talking about his dad. My dad is great and I want to be like him when I grow up. When my dad talks about Grandpa, he says that he wishes he could be half the man that Grandpa was. It's hard to imagine someone that great, other then God. Grandpa was a man who worked up until the day he died. He was incredible and managed to raise incredible kids, so it bothers me that he's not here. I mean, I know people have to die, but why him. Why do the ones that are good die before their time?
Only the good die young. I have herd that a thousand times. I know that. But I wish I could have one day with him, with either of my grandpa's. But it starts as one day, then you want another, and another. Where would the line be drawn? At some points I think I would do anything to hug them one more time. But at other times I'm ok that it happened. I'm ok because I know God needed another angle. I know that they're being used well, and I also know that they are looking down upon me and are watching over me. For that I am thankful. I felt them with me today. I had to sing in front of church, and I was so scared. I went up and began and instantly felt the nervousness go away. I felt them with me, helping me through that time. They were just close enough to touch me. To let me know they were there.
Today has been long and rough. But I got through it and am proud I did. Tomorrow is a new day and I know that I'll still have them with me.

Cameron-Elizabeth
(Written Sunday. Blogger wouldn't post it, sorry!)

I Will Dance With Cinderella

Cinderella by Steven Curtis Chapman

This is a great song. I had a ballet recital when I was younger and we did this song. We did it so the dads danced with their daughters out on the stage. I was the first girl that went out. I had a beautiful blue dress like Cinderella. My dad was dressed in a white suit. I remember everything about that dance. My dad was sitting on a chair on stage when the music started. I ran out and tugged at his suit while he was reading a book. He stood up and kicked the chair away, he threw the book off stage then picked me up. He spun around then put me on the ground. We danced around in circles and at one point he picked me up and threw me in the air. I did a little twirl, then we walked off. The next girl came on in a long flowing purple prom dress. Her dad was dressed in a black suite with a purple shirt that matched her dress. She danced with her dad and did a slow dance with a few fun moves, then they walked off. The last girl walked on in a white "wedding" dress and put her face on her dads chest and danced around. At the end all the girls walked on stage and our dads came out with flowers. It was one of the most beautiful dances I have done. I loved it.
After the dance my dad told me how proud he was that nothing went wrong and that I did a fantastic job. I love my dad to pieces, and that's one of the reasons why. No matter what happens and how badly I dance, or play, or whatever. He is still proud of me. I remember that dance so well. The second girl that went on, who couldn't have been more then 10 or 12, was supposed to dance with her big brother. 15 minutes before our dance, her dad walked in. Her dad was in the military and didn't tell anyone he would be home. He got to dance with her which was great. When we were done and had to do photos back stage, her mom ran in and started screaming. Her mom had no idea he would be there. It was completely fantastic. I have had those moments with my brother and my uncle. They are some of the best moments in your life. When your brother comes home from a tour in Afghanistan to surprise you. Even when it's not a surprise and you just get to hug him for the first time in almost a year. I cant begin to explain the magical feel you get when your brother walks into your class, uniform and all. It's just incredible.

Cameron-Elizabeth

Youth

I am a big church kid as all of you know. My faith is one of the few things that keeps me going. I know that no matter what, God loves me! However, I have been having issues that are hard to discuss at church, because they involve church.
My youth group is made out of phenomenal kids that I love to death and would do anything for. These guys mean the world to me and I would take a bullet for almost any of them. One of my main problems right now is that Bre is no longer there. We were and still are best friends, but youth is crumbling without him. Our youth pastor started Revelation with us, I enjoyed doing that with Bre. When he left, we didn't know what to do, we were lost. We never finished that book because our youth guy didn't want to. Ok, fine, new book of the Bible. No, that didn't happen. We started reading a book by Shane Claiborne. It is a great book and I would recommend it because I read all of it on my own time. However, he doesn't plan on finishing this either. My other problem is that we are no longer doing mission work. Missions and things like that are my life and something I NEED! We just stopped.
I go to big church every Sunday. I have talked to Bre and he understands my frustration. I left a church with a great youth past (one I still talk to weekly) because of the kids. Now I'm at a church with great kids and a horrible youth pastor. It makes me want to cry. Thinking that I might leave my best friends because I'm just not getting what I need. I really don't know what to do.
I have talked to our actual pastor and he talked to our youth pastor. When that happened I was glared at all of church that Sunday. That Sunday was bad to begin with. My knee and shoulder were bothering in, I was in a crap ton of pain and wanted to cry. Church ended and I looked at Bre and he grabbed me and pulled me out of church before I could say anything. Our regular pastor has tried to change things, but its not working and no one wants to take the step that needs to be taken. I understand that, but you need to look at what's best for the youth, not the guy running it. I don't know what I'm gonna do.

Any way, I'm sorry I haven't been on a lot. I've had a crazy amount of work from school. (Who knew taking 3 AP classes would be hard? Ha-ha.) Let me talk about that for a moment. My youth friends and I try our hardest to help each other with our homework, but being the oldest and in super advanced classes means I'm helping everyone else. I missed a few days and am sick right now, but we have a break coming up, so hopefully I can make it till then. I'm in love with a few of my classes, they are absolutely wonderful. I hope ya'll are doing great! Please feel free to email me... thekidwithasthma.

Cameron-Elizabeth