Today has been long. I'm missing my sister and brother-in-law. I miss my niece and nephew. I miss my grandparents. It seems like everyone I want right now is just out of reach. The people I need the most are the farthest away. Today, as I was missing all these incredible people I herd a song on the radio which made me have a break down. The song was, "If Haven Wasn't So Far Away", I cried. I was alone in the car and I just balled.
If heaven wasn't so far away I would be able to talk to my grandfather. Id be able to ask him for advice and what to do next. I'd be able to hug him and tell him I love him. I'd be able to meet my dads dad. I have wanted to meet him my entire life. What I have herd about him is incredible.
That's another thing I missed today. My dad loves talking about my grandfather. He really does, but at the same time he misses his dad. I get that. I have only seen my dad cry 3 times in my life. One of those was when he was talking about his dad. My dad is great and I want to be like him when I grow up. When my dad talks about Grandpa, he says that he wishes he could be half the man that Grandpa was. It's hard to imagine someone that great, other then God. Grandpa was a man who worked up until the day he died. He was incredible and managed to raise incredible kids, so it bothers me that he's not here. I mean, I know people have to die, but why him. Why do the ones that are good die before their time?
Only the good die young. I have herd that a thousand times. I know that. But I wish I could have one day with him, with either of my grandpa's. But it starts as one day, then you want another, and another. Where would the line be drawn? At some points I think I would do anything to hug them one more time. But at other times I'm ok that it happened. I'm ok because I know God needed another angle. I know that they're being used well, and I also know that they are looking down upon me and are watching over me. For that I am thankful. I felt them with me today. I had to sing in front of church, and I was so scared. I went up and began and instantly felt the nervousness go away. I felt them with me, helping me through that time. They were just close enough to touch me. To let me know they were there.
Today has been long and rough. But I got through it and am proud I did. Tomorrow is a new day and I know that I'll still have them with me.
Cameron-Elizabeth
(Written Sunday. Blogger wouldn't post it, sorry!)
Showing posts with label Grandma. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Grandma. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 25, 2014
Saturday, March 9, 2013
March!
Hey Everyone!
So this is going to be a post about not to much. Just a little update. I helped move my grandma out of her apartment 2 weeks ago. It was actually fun. Believe it or not. I have never moved before so it was cool helping. I took some really amassing photos today. I think I am going to be getting a water prof camera soon. (I hope so) I cut my bangs they happen to be kind of short right now which isn't my favoritest thing ever. I learned El Salvador is 2 words. I finished reading Romeo and Juliet. I got my Nook working. We got a new (white) couch. I met some new friends. I stopped talking to some old friends. I asked for help. Which is a great feat for me. I have been dealing with stuff lately that I really don't like.
My grandma died on Tuesday. I had my moments with her. We didn't get along sometimes. But you have to forgive people. That's what I did. The same grandma that I helped move. Surprisingly this hit me really hard. But at the same time everyone thinks I am this big rock that you can come and talk to. I even had a friend tell me Friday that if I hadn't told her she would have never known. Well it really didn't seem real the first couple days. All I could think about was that though. It seemed like I was just going through the actions. But yesterday it really sunk in when we went to the florist. It hit me, I don't have grandparents anymore. None, biological that is of course. I still have a grandmother that kind of adopted me as her grandchild. So did my grandpa, he died when I was 3. But he meant the world to me. Any way, she died on Tuesday. My dad is taking it really hard, he trys to be this big macho man, but I know hes not. He came in my room last night in tears and told me he couldn't believe she was gone and he would never she her again. My uncle is being strong too, telling everyone that its OK. I believe him.
I think this is going to take time because of how much everyone saw her, but we will be OK. I know we will. I think part of why I am so upset is because I never got to say bye before she moved. And I partially blame my dad for that. I know I shouldn't, its not right. But its hard not to. I feel like there is so much I wanted to tell her.
Its March! I love March. Just as a little up beat last words.
Cameron-Elizabeth
So this is going to be a post about not to much. Just a little update. I helped move my grandma out of her apartment 2 weeks ago. It was actually fun. Believe it or not. I have never moved before so it was cool helping. I took some really amassing photos today. I think I am going to be getting a water prof camera soon. (I hope so) I cut my bangs they happen to be kind of short right now which isn't my favoritest thing ever. I learned El Salvador is 2 words. I finished reading Romeo and Juliet. I got my Nook working. We got a new (white) couch. I met some new friends. I stopped talking to some old friends. I asked for help. Which is a great feat for me. I have been dealing with stuff lately that I really don't like.
My grandma died on Tuesday. I had my moments with her. We didn't get along sometimes. But you have to forgive people. That's what I did. The same grandma that I helped move. Surprisingly this hit me really hard. But at the same time everyone thinks I am this big rock that you can come and talk to. I even had a friend tell me Friday that if I hadn't told her she would have never known. Well it really didn't seem real the first couple days. All I could think about was that though. It seemed like I was just going through the actions. But yesterday it really sunk in when we went to the florist. It hit me, I don't have grandparents anymore. None, biological that is of course. I still have a grandmother that kind of adopted me as her grandchild. So did my grandpa, he died when I was 3. But he meant the world to me. Any way, she died on Tuesday. My dad is taking it really hard, he trys to be this big macho man, but I know hes not. He came in my room last night in tears and told me he couldn't believe she was gone and he would never she her again. My uncle is being strong too, telling everyone that its OK. I believe him.
I think this is going to take time because of how much everyone saw her, but we will be OK. I know we will. I think part of why I am so upset is because I never got to say bye before she moved. And I partially blame my dad for that. I know I shouldn't, its not right. But its hard not to. I feel like there is so much I wanted to tell her.
Its March! I love March. Just as a little up beat last words.
Cameron-Elizabeth
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