I know what's right and what's wrong.
I act upon what I think is right, and what I think is wrong. Some people have different versions of what they think is wrong verses right.
My parents always taught me different things they thought were right and wrong. But on some of the things I disagree. I'm not just talking about acts, but medical decisions too.
I am at the point that I am old enough to decide what I want done to me and put in me, and what I don't want. I don't want to take my inhaler everyday. I don't want to be on and off of antibiotics. I don't want the side effects of everything. I know that's what's "right". I know I should do it. But I don't want to. I want to be "normal".
What I want is to decide for myself what is "right" and what is "wrong". I want to decide what I put in MY body.
Some people think its "wrong" for someone who is only 15 to decide what happens to them medically. But I know what will happen if I stop taking my meds. I also understand the side effects of what I am taking now.
Today I didn't take anything. Well see how it plays out. But I'm hoping Ill be OK for now.
My Sisters Keeper is a perfect example of what I'm talking about. Kate has Leukemia. Anna, her little sister, was born just to be someone to take body parts from. Kate decided that she didn't want any more treatment, or Anna to give her anything. Kate knew she was dying, and that was that. She was OK with it. Kate just wanted it to end. Anna wanted that for her. They went through this whole long draw out fight. Any way, Kate ends up dying because she wanted to. It was her decision.
Just like it should be mine on what I want to do to myself. Whether the doctors or anyone else thinks its "wrong".
Cameron-Elizabeth
Showing posts with label Inhaler. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Inhaler. Show all posts
Monday, September 23, 2013
Friday, February 8, 2013
My goal
Color the world in your own colors. Make it your own. Scribble through the bad times and slowly color the good memories. Don't forget to use your favorite colors. Try to leave the ugly ones behind.
I am done. Done trying to impress people. I am done worrying what others think of me. I will admit I am concerned about my looks. I am done with caring about the dirty looks. Done.
I worry about things I shouldn't. I am not old enough to worry about these things. But its hard when you are constantly being told no, we don't have the money. But then your little sister gets to do things she wants. The one thing I want to do so incredibly bad is play softball. Yes there is a school team. That is not what I mean. I want to play travel ball. I want that sense of everyone caring. Not the oh I got stuck with you guys thing.
So I was asked the other day what my goals are. This is how the conversation went.
"So, Cam. What are your goals."
"At school or all the time?"
"All the time"
"Physical or mental or both"
"Both"
"Well, physically I want to be able to do things with out carrying my inhaler around. I don't want to have to carry it EVERYWHERE."
That is a simple goal I want to achieve. Is it realistic. Probably not anytime soon, but long term maybe. I have gotten to the point where walking upstairs has become a challenge. Not a challenge like I cant. But I can make it up them and can barley breath. Now my friend "S" has told me that even she has problems with stairs. Not because she cant breath, but because of her hip. I feel like I hold them back. I have amassing friends who specifically wont do what they want to because they want to make sure I have a friend with me. I feel like its my fault there giving up things. It is. I know it is. I feel like a 3rd wheel. I feel like they would be able to do whatever they wanted if I wasn't there. But at the same time, I feel like we have a ton of fun together.
Another goal of mine that is physical I shared in my Bucket List post. I want to do the London marathon.
A) I don't live in London
B) I can not physically do it right not
Cameron-Elizabeth
I am done. Done trying to impress people. I am done worrying what others think of me. I will admit I am concerned about my looks. I am done with caring about the dirty looks. Done.
I worry about things I shouldn't. I am not old enough to worry about these things. But its hard when you are constantly being told no, we don't have the money. But then your little sister gets to do things she wants. The one thing I want to do so incredibly bad is play softball. Yes there is a school team. That is not what I mean. I want to play travel ball. I want that sense of everyone caring. Not the oh I got stuck with you guys thing.
So I was asked the other day what my goals are. This is how the conversation went.
"So, Cam. What are your goals."
"At school or all the time?"
"All the time"
"Physical or mental or both"
"Both"
"Well, physically I want to be able to do things with out carrying my inhaler around. I don't want to have to carry it EVERYWHERE."
That is a simple goal I want to achieve. Is it realistic. Probably not anytime soon, but long term maybe. I have gotten to the point where walking upstairs has become a challenge. Not a challenge like I cant. But I can make it up them and can barley breath. Now my friend "S" has told me that even she has problems with stairs. Not because she cant breath, but because of her hip. I feel like I hold them back. I have amassing friends who specifically wont do what they want to because they want to make sure I have a friend with me. I feel like its my fault there giving up things. It is. I know it is. I feel like a 3rd wheel. I feel like they would be able to do whatever they wanted if I wasn't there. But at the same time, I feel like we have a ton of fun together.
Another goal of mine that is physical I shared in my Bucket List post. I want to do the London marathon.
A) I don't live in London
B) I can not physically do it right not
Well I have added to that. I want to do it with out my inhaler. The day I can throw my inhaler aside and go out for a jog will be the happiest day of my life. Even happier then getting married. I haven't been able to go for a "real" jog in over a year. I can go on walks and things, but a "real" jog is out of the question. What I mean by "real" is a good mile to two. I can do super short sprints, not jogs.
Cameron-Elizabeth
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
I Know How Lonely It Is
I have bad days.
I think everyone knows that. Everyone has bad days. Some days drag on forever. Some days don't look like they have an end. But they all do. No matter how far they may be.
Sometimes you can turn your day completely around. It isn't as hard as it seems. All you have to do is be happy. I know that can be the hardest thing in the world. But take a minute to think about how it could be worse. Everyday you wake up is a blessing. Try to find something that makes you happy. I look for RAKs. Random Acts of Kindness. Seeing that there are still good people left in the world makes me happy. Or animals. Seeing animals interacting with each other I love.
So on one of my bad days this week I decided to do something fun. I DIYed my inhaler. (DIY means Do It Yourself) I covered it in duct tape. Not regular duct tape. Duct tape with penguins! It is the coolest thing I have ever seen.
I don't know about everyone reading this blog, but when I was little I was incredibly embarrassed to use my inhaler. I was also embarrassed when I had to leave my own party to get a nebulizer treatment. I feel like if someone would have told me about this when I was little I wouldn't have been so ashamed.
Let me tell you about the party I had to leave...I was turning 9 and it was the smallest party I had ever had. 4 friends and my cousin. (who also has asthma) We were in the middle of playing musical chairs and I had to sit down, so I did. Then of course it was noticed that Cameron-Elizabeth sat down in the middle of the game. So I was reluctantly carried upstairs to do a nebulizer treatment. In the middle of it my cousin came up and sat with me. Didn't say a word until I asked him why he came up. He then responded, " Cam, I have had to do this too. I know how lonely it is. I thought you needed a friend." Now I don't remember the rest of the party. But him coming up and sitting with me meant the world.
I can honestly say, I know how lonely it is. To sit there by yourself knowing everyone else is enjoying something you want. Been there, done that, don't want to go back. If you every want someone to talk to about it, I am here for you. :)
Cameron-Elizabeth
I think everyone knows that. Everyone has bad days. Some days drag on forever. Some days don't look like they have an end. But they all do. No matter how far they may be.
Sometimes you can turn your day completely around. It isn't as hard as it seems. All you have to do is be happy. I know that can be the hardest thing in the world. But take a minute to think about how it could be worse. Everyday you wake up is a blessing. Try to find something that makes you happy. I look for RAKs. Random Acts of Kindness. Seeing that there are still good people left in the world makes me happy. Or animals. Seeing animals interacting with each other I love.
So on one of my bad days this week I decided to do something fun. I DIYed my inhaler. (DIY means Do It Yourself) I covered it in duct tape. Not regular duct tape. Duct tape with penguins! It is the coolest thing I have ever seen.
I don't know about everyone reading this blog, but when I was little I was incredibly embarrassed to use my inhaler. I was also embarrassed when I had to leave my own party to get a nebulizer treatment. I feel like if someone would have told me about this when I was little I wouldn't have been so ashamed.
Let me tell you about the party I had to leave...I was turning 9 and it was the smallest party I had ever had. 4 friends and my cousin. (who also has asthma) We were in the middle of playing musical chairs and I had to sit down, so I did. Then of course it was noticed that Cameron-Elizabeth sat down in the middle of the game. So I was reluctantly carried upstairs to do a nebulizer treatment. In the middle of it my cousin came up and sat with me. Didn't say a word until I asked him why he came up. He then responded, " Cam, I have had to do this too. I know how lonely it is. I thought you needed a friend." Now I don't remember the rest of the party. But him coming up and sitting with me meant the world.
I can honestly say, I know how lonely it is. To sit there by yourself knowing everyone else is enjoying something you want. Been there, done that, don't want to go back. If you every want someone to talk to about it, I am here for you. :)
Cameron-Elizabeth
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