Sorry...

Ok, with starting school I have been really busy, and I apologize for that. It is completely my fault that I haven't been on.
I sit here at almost 9 writing this. I have had a long weekend. I haven't felt good and on top of that, I had an A. P. test today.
On Saturday and Sunday I was barley home at all, and I'm not saying that's a bad thing. But it definitely took a toll and me.
On Saturday I had a church thing starting at 10. Then I was home for about 10 minutes and we had to leave to go to a wedding shower. We were in charge of games. Then after that ended we went to a "met the youth pastor" type thing. I was feeling so bad at that point. I was having breathing issues, and my shoulder and leg hurt because of how long I was in the car. We ended up going home early and I missed a lot of fun stuff. :(
On Sunday, I had church service. Directly after that, we voted on our youth pastor. He is now our official youth pastor. Then I went home for an hour. Then we went to do dress alterations. After that, I went to AWANA and then youth. I really just wanted to go home.
So, all and all, I feel crappy. I'm not gonna wine about how miserable I am. I'm just happy I woke up today. That's something to do a praise for!
But, Asthma does suck. I have had Asthma all my life, and almost 16 years later, we are still trying to figure out how to control it. So, if your out there living with Asthma and think your the only one, you aren't. I'm right here in that boat with you.

Cameron-Elizabeth

Rights, Wrongs and who decides

I know what's right and what's wrong.
I act upon what I think is right, and what I think is wrong. Some people have different versions of what they think is wrong verses right.
My parents always taught me different things they thought were right and wrong. But on some of the things I disagree. I'm not just talking about acts, but medical decisions too.
I am at the point that I am old enough to decide what I want done to me and put in me, and what I don't want. I don't want to take my inhaler everyday. I don't want to be on and off of antibiotics. I don't want the side effects of everything. I know that's what's "right". I know I should do it. But I don't want to. I want to be "normal".
What I want is to decide for myself what is "right" and what is "wrong". I want to decide what I put in MY body.
Some people think its "wrong" for someone who is only 15 to decide what happens to them medically. But I know what will happen if I stop taking my meds. I also understand the side effects of what I am taking now.
Today I didn't take anything. Well see how it plays out. But I'm hoping Ill be OK for now.

My Sisters Keeper is a perfect example of what I'm talking about. Kate has Leukemia. Anna, her little sister, was born just to be someone to take body parts from. Kate decided that she didn't want any more treatment, or Anna to give her anything. Kate knew she was dying, and that was that. She was OK with it. Kate just wanted it to end. Anna wanted that for her. They went through this whole long draw out fight. Any way, Kate ends up dying because she wanted to. It was her decision.
Just like it should be mine on what I want to do to myself. Whether the doctors or anyone else thinks its "wrong".

Cameron-Elizabeth

Being a kid with Asthma

I can tell you from experience that having asthma as a kid is tough. I know the feeling of being excluded and lonely, fearful and anxious, upset and scared. It has been shown the kids more often then adults have mental disorders linked to asthma. Like anxiety disorders or mood disorders. There are tons of things you have to watch out for that most kids don't.

I can remember being in elementary school and my friends excluding me from things. I quickly became aware of it. I can also remember being sick and not allowed to participate in recess, all the kids stared at me. It became apparent that they didn't want me there because I couldn't do what they did. It was depressing. I was excluded and lonely all the time. I became the "teachers pet" because everyone else ignored me. I would cry about it. When I started crying I couldn't stop, then I couldn't breath, then I got scared and even more upset. It was a never ending cycle. I was afraid of going to recess and everyone ignoring me. That's where the anxiety comes from. I HATED IT! But I am here to tell everyone that it gets better. I learned that I can make up for physical things by being smarter then everyone.

Kids with asthma often have to be careful when doing things. For the simple fact of triggers. Been there done that. I have to make sure that if I go to someones house who has a dog or cat that I don't touch my face at all. Pet hair and dander set my asthma off. I have to check the air quality outside to make sure I can go out and do things. I mean these things sound really annoying, they are. I am not going to lie and tell you you get used to it. But it does become a habit more then a forced action. I have not let this stop me. There are still things you can do with asthma. You just have to do it differentially. But there are things you can not do. This is all speaking about me. This does very for each person. But if you ever need someone to talk to, I am here. Feel free to email me at thekidwithasthma@gmail.com

Cameron-Elizabeth

My goal

Color the world in your own colors. Make it your own. Scribble through the bad times and slowly color the good memories. Don't forget to use your favorite colors. Try to leave the ugly ones behind.

I am done. Done trying to impress people. I am done worrying what others think of me. I will admit I am concerned about my looks. I am done with caring about the dirty looks. Done.
I worry about things I shouldn't. I am not old enough to worry about these things. But its hard when you are constantly being told no, we don't have the money. But then your little sister gets to do things she wants. The one thing I want to do so incredibly bad is play softball. Yes there is a school team. That is not what I mean. I want to play travel ball. I want that sense of everyone caring. Not the oh I got stuck with you guys thing.

So I was asked the other day what my goals are. This is how the conversation went.
"So, Cam. What are your goals."
"At school or all the time?"
"All the time"
"Physical or mental or both"
"Both"
"Well, physically I want to be able to do things with out carrying my inhaler around. I don't want to have to carry it EVERYWHERE."

That is a simple goal I want to achieve. Is it realistic. Probably not anytime soon, but long term maybe. I have gotten to the point where walking upstairs has become a challenge. Not a challenge like I cant. But I can make it up them and can barley breath. Now my friend "S" has told me that even she has problems with stairs. Not because she cant breath, but because of her hip. I feel like I hold them back. I have amassing friends who specifically wont do what they want to because they want to make sure I have a friend with me. I feel like its my fault there giving up things. It is. I know it is. I feel like a 3rd wheel. I feel like they would be able to do whatever they wanted if I wasn't there. But at the same time, I feel like we have a ton of fun together.

Another goal of mine that is physical I shared in my Bucket List post. I want to do the London marathon.
A) I don't live in London
B) I can not physically do it right not

Well I have added to that. I want to do it with out my inhaler. The day I can throw my inhaler aside and go out for a jog will be the happiest day of my life. Even happier then getting married. I haven't been able to go for a "real" jog in over a year. I can go on walks and things, but a "real" jog is out of the question. What I mean by "real" is a good mile to two. I can do super short sprints, not jogs.

Cameron-Elizabeth

I Know How Lonely It Is

I have bad days.

I think everyone knows that. Everyone has bad days. Some days drag on forever. Some days don't look like they have an end. But they all do. No matter how far they may be.

Sometimes you can turn your day completely around. It isn't as hard as it seems. All you have to do is be happy. I know that can be the hardest thing in the world. But take a minute to think about how it could be worse. Everyday you wake up is a blessing. Try to find something that makes you happy. I look for RAKs. Random Acts of Kindness. Seeing that there are still good people left in the world makes me happy. Or animals. Seeing animals interacting with each other I love.

So on one of my bad days this week I decided to do something fun. I DIYed my inhaler. (DIY means Do It Yourself) I covered it in duct tape. Not regular duct tape. Duct tape with penguins! It is the coolest thing I have ever seen.

I don't know about everyone reading this blog, but when I was little I was incredibly embarrassed to use my inhaler. I was also embarrassed when I had to leave my own party to get a nebulizer treatment. I feel like if someone would have told me about this when I was little I wouldn't have been so ashamed.

Let me tell you about the party I had to leave...I was turning 9 and it was the smallest party I had ever had. 4 friends and my cousin. (who also has asthma) We were in the middle of playing musical chairs and I had to sit down, so I did. Then of course it was noticed that Cameron-Elizabeth sat down in the middle of the game. So I was reluctantly carried upstairs to do a nebulizer treatment. In the middle of it my cousin came up and sat with me. Didn't say a word until I asked him why he came up. He then responded, " Cam, I have had to do this too. I know how lonely it is. I thought you needed a friend." Now I don't remember the rest of the party. But him coming up and sitting with me meant the world.

I can honestly say, I know how lonely it is. To sit there by yourself knowing everyone else is enjoying something you want. Been there, done that, don't want to go back. If you every want someone to talk to about it, I am here for you. :)

Cameron-Elizabeth

Good Times

Life is like a camera, focus on whats important, capture the good times, develop from the negative, and if it doesn't work out, take another shot.

I have got all of my pictures uploaded from my camera. Normally I will wait till all 712 pictures are taken and I have to upload them. This time I only waited until 556. It still took me a while. I love photography. I take incredibly good pictures and am hoping to get a new camera soon. Life is a bigger picture than just the one thing that happened.

I haven't been able to do alot of things recently. Physically that is.So I have started taking photos of everything. The trees, flowers, the sky, anything. I haven't gotten to the whole editing stage yet. I have tryed but am not good. The camera I have is amazing, and I love it. I got it a few years ago, I am still trying to figure out what all the buttons do. I don't do the whole people picture thing. I take photos of animals and nature and things. Not people. I hate how girls do the dumb duck face thing. No, not attractive. I refuse to either do that or take a picture of it. It is the stupidest thing ever.

My asthma is super bad at the moment, with the hacking and nasty stuff included. Yea, ewww! I do not like the coughing either. I feel like a disturbance when I do. Especially when were doing family things, and everyone stops to let me cough. I know that's just what happens or whatever, but it is annoying.

Life is to short to focus on the negative. There is no need to. Just get up and make a new positive, an joy life. I have learned that if you sit and moop about the bad things you wont have any time to enjoy the good things. I like to do things that most people would definitely hesitate on doing. There is one thing I am not a huge fan of that took me a little while to try, roller coasters. I have learned that is the opportunity comes, why not take it. I would rather know I tryed it and didn't like it then regret that I didn't try it at all.

Let me leave everyone with a happy face!

:)

Cameron-Elizabeth

Life Is Not Measured By The Number Of Breaths You Take But By The Moments That Take Our Breath Away

Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take but by the moments that take our breath away. I absolutely love the quote. I even have it framed on my wall. I enjoy those moment that you just cant say anything, those moments that mean the world, those moments that will last a life time, those take your breath away moments. I love them...... We have no way of knowing what might happen tomorrow, but if you go ahead and try have 1 take your breath away moment a week I think that's good. I try to look at the positive side of things. Sometimes there isn't I will admit.

My life is insane. In a good way. I have finally caught up on all the school work I missed, thank god. I am trying to get over this cold thing. My asthma isn't very good right now. Speaking of which, I got my new gym teacher. Hes pretty cool. I don't like explaining I have asthma. I feel like I'm complaining, and when I do it makes me sound weak. So I had this very awkward conversation with my new teacher about it. The first thing he said was, "Well what do you want me to do go easy on you?" So he kind of screamed this at me, in the hall way in front of everyone. I mean he was sarcastic, but not the point. I cant deal with being yelled at. I get very upset and start crying. I don't like it when people get mad at me. I have this thing with people not liking me. I want everyone to like me, I need everyone to like me. Any way so he said it was fine and just let him know if I need to stop.

I know my limits, most of the time. I know them, and sometimes don't care. I don't think I should be the one to make myself stop. I know that sounds really stupid, like she should be able to stop herself. I know what I can and cant do. That's not the problem, the problem is that I will push myself until I get to the point that no one can do anything and I end up having to go to the E.R. So I don't think I should be the one who makes the decision of what I can do and when I need to stop.

Cameron-Elizabeth

We don't like what we don't understand, in fact it scares us, and this monster is mysterious at least

Hey!

 We don't like what we don't understand, in fact it scares us, and this monster is mysterious at least..... That comes from beauty and the beast. People are like that. What the don't understand they don't like. I do not agree with it. There are many things I don't understand but still like. Like I don't understand why the sky is blue, but I still like the sky and still like the color blue. People can be very rude when they don't understand things. I have experienced this many time, not only with asthma but with life in general.

For a true hero isn't measured by the size of his strength, but by the strength of his heart. This is another one of my favorite quotes. This one comes from Hercules. It rings out load and clear. I have a tendency to write it on my papers and on my white board and repeat it all the time. A true hero isn't physically strong. They have to be emotionally strong and able. I love this one very much!

 

In case you couldn't tell I love Disney. It all started when I was 3, my dad put in beauty and the beast. This is my favorite movie of all time. I remember her yellow dress and I told my dad I wanted one. Then magically one appeared, right on my bed one morning. Of course I wore it everywhere. Then I became fascinated with the princess. I wanted to be belle, more then anything in the world. I wanted to find my prince charming. I still do. I want to dance with him in a huge ballroom. I want to wear that yellow dress at my wedding, I want the golden colors everywhere. I want to know that I can have a good wedding, with my prince charming. I just want to know Ill be ok.



 

Cameron-Elizabeth

Just dont say anything

Hello!

There are somethings people have said to me about asthma that really just piss me off. Let me tell you a few things.

1. You're just faking- What the hell? Why would I fake not being able to breath. I had one kid tell me in 6th grade that I was faking to get out of gym. I actually like gym, so why would I try to get out of it? That is so aggravating
2. If you took care of yourself it would be under control- Again, why? Do you have Asthma? Do you know what its like? Granted its not this way for everyone, some people have it totally under control. Well I don't. I have not been able to get it under control in years. And I do try to take care of myself
3. Well you can control it- Ok, no I cant. I have told people this. I can not control mine. On any given day of any given month I could have a full blown attack.
4. Asthma is all in your head- Yes someone told me this. For the longest time when I was little I believed this. I thought if I sat down and told my self "your fine" I would be ok. That didn't work
5. I don't believe in Asthma- How can you not believe in Asthma? This isn't the tooth fairy or the Easter bunny. This is a real medical condition.
6. You don't really need your inhaler- Yes a teacher told me this. On field day I was not allowed to go back to our classroom, which wasn't even a class room it was a trailer, to get my inhaler. So later that night I was rushed to our local urgent care. Yea maybe if I would have gotten my inhaler we could have prevented that visit
7. Do you still have it?- I really don't care for this one. I know some kids grow out of it, but I haven't and most likely wont.
8. I'm sorry- Why would you be? I have herd this to many times. I don't want people being sorry for me. I am not a charity case.
9. You should be glad you don't have to participate in (gym, P.E., practice)- I am not glad. I enjoy those things.

But there are some good quotes I have found about it. Asthma doesn't seem to bother me any more unless I'm around cigars or dogs. The thing that would bother me most would be a dog smoking a cigar. I think this is so funny. Not everyone is like that. Most people are not. I have many friends that understand. That understand it is hard. But if your gonna make a comment about MY Asthma, think. I know I should take the opportunity to educate people. I am just not that way, I wish I was. There are those few people I have talked to about it who make those comments. I made a friend that way. I just don't want to deal with people. I am not able to do that, my brother is better at that. There will always be those people. I'm not trying to be mean but really I am not good at it. Sorry about the anger in this post.

Cameron-Elizabeth

How about now?

Hallo!

I do like learning foreign lanagues. So right now I'm in the prosses of learning how to say hello/hey in 15 different lanagues. I know weird. But it fills my time. I like it. So let me tell you the ones I know, Spanish, Lithuanian, Italian, English, ASL, German, I think that all of them. Yea, so I was trying to tell my friend all of them the other day. She kept saying, "in a minute", 5 minutes later. "Can I tell you know?", "Hold on", "How bout now?", "Just wait". This went on for a good half hour. Which makes me wonder, why was I waiting? Why didn't I just go find someone else to tell this to? How about I don't wait. So how bout now? Is now OK? Or is your life too important to take 3 minutes out of your day to listen to me?

My asthma has been getting pretty bad lately due to the cold. So I stayed home yesterday, which did really help. I feel really bad right now. I have a problem with telling my dad, or anybody I don't feel good. I don't like having people help me and them thinking, "oh Cameron's sick maybe she shouldn't do this" I hate that. I have a problem telling my dad because he has been through so much I feel like I'm complaining about a stubbed toe. I feel like when I complain people look at me differentially, like I'm weak. I want to make sure everyone knows I'm not weak. I will not let others help me. That is a problem I have that I need to let go of. When my arm was in a sling a few years ago of course this girl was still outside with her brother fixing the house. Yea not a good idea. So how about I start trying to let people help? That's just me. I like that about me. So the other day I was walking outside with my friend and she wanted to run, which I was fine with. But of course the girl I was with just blurts out, "I'm sorry you cant run". OK, that aggravated me just a little bit. I can run, its not the greatest idea right now. But I can.

Cameron-Elizabeth