Today has been long. I'm missing my sister and brother-in-law. I miss my niece and nephew. I miss my grandparents. It seems like everyone I want right now is just out of reach. The people I need the most are the farthest away. Today, as I was missing all these incredible people I herd a song on the radio which made me have a break down. The song was, "If Haven Wasn't So Far Away", I cried. I was alone in the car and I just balled.
If heaven wasn't so far away I would be able to talk to my grandfather. Id be able to ask him for advice and what to do next. I'd be able to hug him and tell him I love him. I'd be able to meet my dads dad. I have wanted to meet him my entire life. What I have herd about him is incredible.
That's another thing I missed today. My dad loves talking about my grandfather. He really does, but at the same time he misses his dad. I get that. I have only seen my dad cry 3 times in my life. One of those was when he was talking about his dad. My dad is great and I want to be like him when I grow up. When my dad talks about Grandpa, he says that he wishes he could be half the man that Grandpa was. It's hard to imagine someone that great, other then God. Grandpa was a man who worked up until the day he died. He was incredible and managed to raise incredible kids, so it bothers me that he's not here. I mean, I know people have to die, but why him. Why do the ones that are good die before their time?
Only the good die young. I have herd that a thousand times. I know that. But I wish I could have one day with him, with either of my grandpa's. But it starts as one day, then you want another, and another. Where would the line be drawn? At some points I think I would do anything to hug them one more time. But at other times I'm ok that it happened. I'm ok because I know God needed another angle. I know that they're being used well, and I also know that they are looking down upon me and are watching over me. For that I am thankful. I felt them with me today. I had to sing in front of church, and I was so scared. I went up and began and instantly felt the nervousness go away. I felt them with me, helping me through that time. They were just close enough to touch me. To let me know they were there.
Today has been long and rough. But I got through it and am proud I did. Tomorrow is a new day and I know that I'll still have them with me.
Cameron-Elizabeth
(Written Sunday. Blogger wouldn't post it, sorry!)
Tuesday, November 25, 2014
Saturday, November 22, 2014
I Will Dance With Cinderella
Cinderella by Steven Curtis Chapman
This is a great song. I had a ballet recital when I was younger and we did this song. We did it so the dads danced with their daughters out on the stage. I was the first girl that went out. I had a beautiful blue dress like Cinderella. My dad was dressed in a white suit. I remember everything about that dance. My dad was sitting on a chair on stage when the music started. I ran out and tugged at his suit while he was reading a book. He stood up and kicked the chair away, he threw the book off stage then picked me up. He spun around then put me on the ground. We danced around in circles and at one point he picked me up and threw me in the air. I did a little twirl, then we walked off. The next girl came on in a long flowing purple prom dress. Her dad was dressed in a black suite with a purple shirt that matched her dress. She danced with her dad and did a slow dance with a few fun moves, then they walked off. The last girl walked on in a white "wedding" dress and put her face on her dads chest and danced around. At the end all the girls walked on stage and our dads came out with flowers. It was one of the most beautiful dances I have done. I loved it.
After the dance my dad told me how proud he was that nothing went wrong and that I did a fantastic job. I love my dad to pieces, and that's one of the reasons why. No matter what happens and how badly I dance, or play, or whatever. He is still proud of me. I remember that dance so well. The second girl that went on, who couldn't have been more then 10 or 12, was supposed to dance with her big brother. 15 minutes before our dance, her dad walked in. Her dad was in the military and didn't tell anyone he would be home. He got to dance with her which was great. When we were done and had to do photos back stage, her mom ran in and started screaming. Her mom had no idea he would be there. It was completely fantastic. I have had those moments with my brother and my uncle. They are some of the best moments in your life. When your brother comes home from a tour in Afghanistan to surprise you. Even when it's not a surprise and you just get to hug him for the first time in almost a year. I cant begin to explain the magical feel you get when your brother walks into your class, uniform and all. It's just incredible.
Cameron-Elizabeth
This is a great song. I had a ballet recital when I was younger and we did this song. We did it so the dads danced with their daughters out on the stage. I was the first girl that went out. I had a beautiful blue dress like Cinderella. My dad was dressed in a white suit. I remember everything about that dance. My dad was sitting on a chair on stage when the music started. I ran out and tugged at his suit while he was reading a book. He stood up and kicked the chair away, he threw the book off stage then picked me up. He spun around then put me on the ground. We danced around in circles and at one point he picked me up and threw me in the air. I did a little twirl, then we walked off. The next girl came on in a long flowing purple prom dress. Her dad was dressed in a black suite with a purple shirt that matched her dress. She danced with her dad and did a slow dance with a few fun moves, then they walked off. The last girl walked on in a white "wedding" dress and put her face on her dads chest and danced around. At the end all the girls walked on stage and our dads came out with flowers. It was one of the most beautiful dances I have done. I loved it.
After the dance my dad told me how proud he was that nothing went wrong and that I did a fantastic job. I love my dad to pieces, and that's one of the reasons why. No matter what happens and how badly I dance, or play, or whatever. He is still proud of me. I remember that dance so well. The second girl that went on, who couldn't have been more then 10 or 12, was supposed to dance with her big brother. 15 minutes before our dance, her dad walked in. Her dad was in the military and didn't tell anyone he would be home. He got to dance with her which was great. When we were done and had to do photos back stage, her mom ran in and started screaming. Her mom had no idea he would be there. It was completely fantastic. I have had those moments with my brother and my uncle. They are some of the best moments in your life. When your brother comes home from a tour in Afghanistan to surprise you. Even when it's not a surprise and you just get to hug him for the first time in almost a year. I cant begin to explain the magical feel you get when your brother walks into your class, uniform and all. It's just incredible.
Cameron-Elizabeth
Thursday, November 20, 2014
Youth
I am a big church kid as all of you know. My faith is one of the few things that keeps me going. I know that no matter what, God loves me! However, I have been having issues that are hard to discuss at church, because they involve church.
My youth group is made out of phenomenal kids that I love to death and would do anything for. These guys mean the world to me and I would take a bullet for almost any of them. One of my main problems right now is that Bre is no longer there. We were and still are best friends, but youth is crumbling without him. Our youth pastor started Revelation with us, I enjoyed doing that with Bre. When he left, we didn't know what to do, we were lost. We never finished that book because our youth guy didn't want to. Ok, fine, new book of the Bible. No, that didn't happen. We started reading a book by Shane Claiborne. It is a great book and I would recommend it because I read all of it on my own time. However, he doesn't plan on finishing this either. My other problem is that we are no longer doing mission work. Missions and things like that are my life and something I NEED! We just stopped.
I go to big church every Sunday. I have talked to Bre and he understands my frustration. I left a church with a great youth past (one I still talk to weekly) because of the kids. Now I'm at a church with great kids and a horrible youth pastor. It makes me want to cry. Thinking that I might leave my best friends because I'm just not getting what I need. I really don't know what to do.
I have talked to our actual pastor and he talked to our youth pastor. When that happened I was glared at all of church that Sunday. That Sunday was bad to begin with. My knee and shoulder were bothering in, I was in a crap ton of pain and wanted to cry. Church ended and I looked at Bre and he grabbed me and pulled me out of church before I could say anything. Our regular pastor has tried to change things, but its not working and no one wants to take the step that needs to be taken. I understand that, but you need to look at what's best for the youth, not the guy running it. I don't know what I'm gonna do.
Any way, I'm sorry I haven't been on a lot. I've had a crazy amount of work from school. (Who knew taking 3 AP classes would be hard? Ha-ha.) Let me talk about that for a moment. My youth friends and I try our hardest to help each other with our homework, but being the oldest and in super advanced classes means I'm helping everyone else. I missed a few days and am sick right now, but we have a break coming up, so hopefully I can make it till then. I'm in love with a few of my classes, they are absolutely wonderful. I hope ya'll are doing great! Please feel free to email me... thekidwithasthma.
Cameron-Elizabeth
My youth group is made out of phenomenal kids that I love to death and would do anything for. These guys mean the world to me and I would take a bullet for almost any of them. One of my main problems right now is that Bre is no longer there. We were and still are best friends, but youth is crumbling without him. Our youth pastor started Revelation with us, I enjoyed doing that with Bre. When he left, we didn't know what to do, we were lost. We never finished that book because our youth guy didn't want to. Ok, fine, new book of the Bible. No, that didn't happen. We started reading a book by Shane Claiborne. It is a great book and I would recommend it because I read all of it on my own time. However, he doesn't plan on finishing this either. My other problem is that we are no longer doing mission work. Missions and things like that are my life and something I NEED! We just stopped.
I go to big church every Sunday. I have talked to Bre and he understands my frustration. I left a church with a great youth past (one I still talk to weekly) because of the kids. Now I'm at a church with great kids and a horrible youth pastor. It makes me want to cry. Thinking that I might leave my best friends because I'm just not getting what I need. I really don't know what to do.
I have talked to our actual pastor and he talked to our youth pastor. When that happened I was glared at all of church that Sunday. That Sunday was bad to begin with. My knee and shoulder were bothering in, I was in a crap ton of pain and wanted to cry. Church ended and I looked at Bre and he grabbed me and pulled me out of church before I could say anything. Our regular pastor has tried to change things, but its not working and no one wants to take the step that needs to be taken. I understand that, but you need to look at what's best for the youth, not the guy running it. I don't know what I'm gonna do.
Any way, I'm sorry I haven't been on a lot. I've had a crazy amount of work from school. (Who knew taking 3 AP classes would be hard? Ha-ha.) Let me talk about that for a moment. My youth friends and I try our hardest to help each other with our homework, but being the oldest and in super advanced classes means I'm helping everyone else. I missed a few days and am sick right now, but we have a break coming up, so hopefully I can make it till then. I'm in love with a few of my classes, they are absolutely wonderful. I hope ya'll are doing great! Please feel free to email me... thekidwithasthma.
Cameron-Elizabeth
Saturday, August 30, 2014
Limitations
I'm a different person then I was a year ago. A year ago I was struggling with my faith and I didn't know what I was doing with my life. I was struggling in school and absolutely hated. I didn't want to be there, and my grades reflected that.
Today I am happy. I'm ok with going to school everyday. I am sturdy in my faith thanks to some incredible people.
This post isn't really about any of that. This post is gonna be about my limitations.
I do everything I can to be "normal". I try my hardest to keep up, but there are sometimes that I just cant. There are times where I become completely unable to do almost anything. That sucks. That's when "normal" seems so far out of reach, it sometimes feels almost unreachable.
I did a car wash today. I ran it actually, I got to be the boss which was super fun. Ha-ha. Any how, I was washing a car and trying to push myself a lot farther then my lungs wanted to go. My brother old me to go sit down for a few minutes, so I did. As much as I hate to say it, I needed to sit down, and I did push myself to far. I sat down and drank a little Gatorade and watched everyone else. This girl walked by me and goes, "How come she gets a break? She wasn't even working as hard as me." This really frustrated me. I warned all of my friends going into this that today was rough, and I might have to sit down to catch my breath for a minute. They all understood. But this girl from my youth group knows absolutely nothing about me and has the nerve to say that. I called my brother over and told him, I was trying to be the bigger person, but I needed to tell him. I did, and he went and talked to this girl and explained that sometimes people have 'invisible' diseases. She looked at me and told my brother, "Well she must be faking." NO! I can not fake this. I wouldn't want to fake this. Why would anyone want to fake not being able to breath? I walked over and as politely as I could said, "Asthma isn't fake. My pain isn't fake. This disease isn't fake. The only fake thing here is you, and I don't allow fake things, you need to leave." We exchanged some words, but she did end up leaving.
I know that sounds really harsh, I get that. However, this was not the first time that she had said something like that about MY Asthma. Let me just say this, invisible things hurt too. Just because I don't have a cast, or limp, or complain all the time doesn't mean I don't feel pain regularly. She wasn't my friend, and now, never will be.
I do have limitations that I try to go past regularly. I don't want to have to stop when all the other people keep going. Limitations suck, and so do 'invisible' diseases.
Cameron-Elizabeth
Today I am happy. I'm ok with going to school everyday. I am sturdy in my faith thanks to some incredible people.
This post isn't really about any of that. This post is gonna be about my limitations.
I do everything I can to be "normal". I try my hardest to keep up, but there are sometimes that I just cant. There are times where I become completely unable to do almost anything. That sucks. That's when "normal" seems so far out of reach, it sometimes feels almost unreachable.
I did a car wash today. I ran it actually, I got to be the boss which was super fun. Ha-ha. Any how, I was washing a car and trying to push myself a lot farther then my lungs wanted to go. My brother old me to go sit down for a few minutes, so I did. As much as I hate to say it, I needed to sit down, and I did push myself to far. I sat down and drank a little Gatorade and watched everyone else. This girl walked by me and goes, "How come she gets a break? She wasn't even working as hard as me." This really frustrated me. I warned all of my friends going into this that today was rough, and I might have to sit down to catch my breath for a minute. They all understood. But this girl from my youth group knows absolutely nothing about me and has the nerve to say that. I called my brother over and told him, I was trying to be the bigger person, but I needed to tell him. I did, and he went and talked to this girl and explained that sometimes people have 'invisible' diseases. She looked at me and told my brother, "Well she must be faking." NO! I can not fake this. I wouldn't want to fake this. Why would anyone want to fake not being able to breath? I walked over and as politely as I could said, "Asthma isn't fake. My pain isn't fake. This disease isn't fake. The only fake thing here is you, and I don't allow fake things, you need to leave." We exchanged some words, but she did end up leaving.
I know that sounds really harsh, I get that. However, this was not the first time that she had said something like that about MY Asthma. Let me just say this, invisible things hurt too. Just because I don't have a cast, or limp, or complain all the time doesn't mean I don't feel pain regularly. She wasn't my friend, and now, never will be.
I do have limitations that I try to go past regularly. I don't want to have to stop when all the other people keep going. Limitations suck, and so do 'invisible' diseases.
Cameron-Elizabeth
Friday, July 18, 2014
Passport...... ( Day 1)
My church traveled a few hours to camp in Virginia called Passport. It was my first year going. I was really nervous and worried. I didn't really want to go, but I wanted to really bad. All of the youth got thereon Monday morning and were ready to leave. I WAS SICK! I had a really bad migraine and just wanted to sleep. We all gathered around and made the best of how I felt. I ended up riding with Bre's mom because of how sick I was. We made it about half way and stopped for food. As soon as I got out of her car, I threw up all over the bushes. It was nasty. I couldn't eat anything at all. I drank a little sprite in hopes that it would help, it didn't. I threw up again before we started driving. I threw up all over the car. I felt so bad about it, but she reassured me. She said she's done it before and her kids have done it. She said not to worry about it. We made it to camp. The few people I was in the car with and I were late showing up. We missed the group photo but took another one later. We stood out in the heat for a few minutes which made me feel even worse. I ended up having to go inside and sit down. We got our rooms and I took a nap till dinner. I threw up a few times in between then. My room mates and I went to dinner, I didn't eat anything and ended up getting sick again. We went to the opening celebration and had so much fun. Then we met our groups and hung out for an hour. After that we had church group devotions with our youth group. After that I went to bed. I passed out on a very uncomfortable bed and slept most of the night. That was day one....
Cameron-Elizabeth 🐬
Well........
Today is Saturday. I'm sure I wont post this till tomorrow. Sorry.
I am leaving on Monday for a mission camp a few hours away. I am excited and terrified. I want to go, but I don't. I know this is going to sound really stupid. I have never been this far away from my parents for this long. I literally want to cry just thinking about it, and I actually am right now. Last year my dad was sick. I didn't go last time because I was scared something would happen and I wouldn't be here. It did. He had to go to the hospital. This year. I was convinced by Bre to go. It's his last year and he really wanted me to be able to experience one trip while he was there. I am super glad he convinced me. I know that if I get there and hate it, I can still hang out with Bre and try to make the best of it. I'm scared of being by myself the whole time. Don't get me wrong, I love the kids in my youth. But sometimes I am still the outsider even when they try to make me feel at home. I want to go have fun, but at the same time, I want to be here with my dad.
This year, I am going with our youth group. I don't have a whole lot of trust in our youth pastor. I know last year, our actual pastor went. He guaranteed I would love it, and if I didn't, he would take me home. This year we have Colb as our single male chaperone. We have Lucy, who is fantastic, as one of our female chaperones. The other female, is Bre's mom. She is fantastic and I trust her whole heartedly. If she told me something to do, I wouldn't question her. I am hoping that I can ride with her up to the camp. Being in the van with no air and Asthma, would suck. I cant breath with the hot air outside as it is, let alone in a van with 12 other kids.
(I am sorry for how late this is. I was supposed to post this on the 6th, about weeks ago. I have another one that I will post responding to this one in a few days.)
Cameron Elizabeth
I am leaving on Monday for a mission camp a few hours away. I am excited and terrified. I want to go, but I don't. I know this is going to sound really stupid. I have never been this far away from my parents for this long. I literally want to cry just thinking about it, and I actually am right now. Last year my dad was sick. I didn't go last time because I was scared something would happen and I wouldn't be here. It did. He had to go to the hospital. This year. I was convinced by Bre to go. It's his last year and he really wanted me to be able to experience one trip while he was there. I am super glad he convinced me. I know that if I get there and hate it, I can still hang out with Bre and try to make the best of it. I'm scared of being by myself the whole time. Don't get me wrong, I love the kids in my youth. But sometimes I am still the outsider even when they try to make me feel at home. I want to go have fun, but at the same time, I want to be here with my dad.
This year, I am going with our youth group. I don't have a whole lot of trust in our youth pastor. I know last year, our actual pastor went. He guaranteed I would love it, and if I didn't, he would take me home. This year we have Colb as our single male chaperone. We have Lucy, who is fantastic, as one of our female chaperones. The other female, is Bre's mom. She is fantastic and I trust her whole heartedly. If she told me something to do, I wouldn't question her. I am hoping that I can ride with her up to the camp. Being in the van with no air and Asthma, would suck. I cant breath with the hot air outside as it is, let alone in a van with 12 other kids.
(I am sorry for how late this is. I was supposed to post this on the 6th, about weeks ago. I have another one that I will post responding to this one in a few days.)
Cameron Elizabeth
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
Life
I know it's been a long time since I updated this. I'm sorry, I've been swamped with school and youth and a ton of other stuff. I stayed home on Monday because of my allergies and asthma. When both of those combine it makes me a really sick puppy. I wanted to share this song with you guys too.
It'll all be ok
I don't know if I have share this or not, but I will again. An amazing person sent this to me a while ago. It is a great song that I love. For those of you that don't know, my brother was in the military for several years before he got out. My cousin, is still enlisted in the Army. I instantly thought of my brother when I herd this song. I love it.
Anyway. School is still school. I have my AP exam on the 13th of May. I know that's gonna be though. I can get through it though. I have a great group of friends that I study with and plus some awesome family members who think I'll do great. I have doubts, but I'm sure it will all work out.
I just did the 30 hour famine, last Saturday. It was fun, and not that hard. This was my second year doing it, and again I enjoyed it so much! I have an issue with a girl in my youth group, but I'll write a whole post about that later.
I hope everyone is safe and happy.
Cameron-Elizabeth
It'll all be ok
I don't know if I have share this or not, but I will again. An amazing person sent this to me a while ago. It is a great song that I love. For those of you that don't know, my brother was in the military for several years before he got out. My cousin, is still enlisted in the Army. I instantly thought of my brother when I herd this song. I love it.
Anyway. School is still school. I have my AP exam on the 13th of May. I know that's gonna be though. I can get through it though. I have a great group of friends that I study with and plus some awesome family members who think I'll do great. I have doubts, but I'm sure it will all work out.
I just did the 30 hour famine, last Saturday. It was fun, and not that hard. This was my second year doing it, and again I enjoyed it so much! I have an issue with a girl in my youth group, but I'll write a whole post about that later.
I hope everyone is safe and happy.
Cameron-Elizabeth
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