I am going to help!

So if you have read my blog before you know I don't like help. I don't like having someone help me or ask for help. Well I have learned that it is much easier when trying to help someone with a chronic illness that you say, I will help you, instead of, Can I help you. When someone asks, "Can I help you?" You can easily say no. Simple, you can say no. But if you don't give people the option to say no then they have to let you help them.

As everyone knows spring break is either coming up or your on it. Well mine is coming up really soon. (2 days) I am beyond excited. My brother is going to come over and work on my house. My little sister and I have some fun things planned for this week.

The week of April 25th is going to be a super busy week for me. My cousin K is getting married to my soon to be cousin D. K is a nurse working at a hospital by the beach. There wedding is going to be at the beach or coast as well. I am so excited about that. I get to go on a 2 day vacation. I still have to get a dress for the wedding which is one of the things I am doing over spring break.

I have a new list of favorite songs:

1. International Harvester
2. Hicktown
3. Beer Money
4. Hillbilly Bone
5. Beer With Jesus
6. I Drive Your Truck
7. If Heaven Wasn't So Far Away 
8. Wanted
9. I Wanna Talk About Me

That's my obsessively played songs right now.  Happy Easter to everyone!

Cameron-Elizabeth

March!

Hey Everyone!
So this is going to be a post about not to much. Just a little update. I helped move my grandma out of her apartment 2 weeks ago. It was actually fun. Believe it or not. I have never moved before so it was cool helping. I took some really amassing photos today. I think I am going to be getting a water prof camera soon. (I hope so) I cut my bangs they happen to be kind of short right now which isn't my favoritest thing ever. I learned El Salvador is 2 words. I finished reading Romeo and Juliet. I got my Nook working.  We got a new (white) couch. I met some new friends. I stopped talking to some old friends. I asked for help. Which is a great feat for me. I have been dealing with stuff lately that I really don't like.

My grandma died on Tuesday. I had my moments with her. We didn't get along sometimes. But you have to forgive people. That's what I did. The same grandma that I helped move. Surprisingly this hit me really hard. But at the same time everyone thinks I am this big rock that you can come and talk to. I even had a friend tell me Friday that if I hadn't told her she would have never known. Well it really didn't seem real the first couple days. All I could think about was that though. It seemed like I was just going through the actions. But yesterday it really sunk in when we went to the florist. It hit me, I don't have grandparents anymore. None, biological that is of course. I still have a grandmother that kind of adopted me as her grandchild. So did my grandpa, he died when I was 3. But he meant the world to me. Any way, she died on Tuesday. My dad is taking it really hard, he trys to be this big macho man, but I know hes not. He came in my room last night in tears and told me he couldn't believe she was gone and he would never she her again. My uncle is being strong too, telling everyone that its OK. I believe him.
I think this is going to take time because of how much everyone saw her, but we will be OK. I know we will. I think part of why I am so upset is because I never got to say bye before she moved. And I partially blame my dad for that. I know I shouldn't, its not right. But its hard not to. I feel like there is so much I wanted to tell her.

Its March! I love March. Just as a little up beat last words.

Cameron-Elizabeth

Charonic Illness And Kids.....

Well it wasn't until a few days ago the I found out Asthma is a chronic illness. So I started researching. When I did I found a website, right here. I started reading about what kids feel like and how they act when the suffer from a chronic illness. Feel free to read the page.

Well when I began reading about how kids feel and such it made sense, it sounded exactly like they were describing me. Like when I was about to go into kindergarten I was testing my parents limits. Knowing I had all the restrictions I did I wanted to see what I really could get away with. And my parents did the right thing. They would give me alternatives. I would still get things accomplished and I still wasn't allowed to do the things I wanted. But I got to do other things. I wasn't allowed to go swimming during the summer, but I was allowed to go to a museum and get ice cream. So they would find things I could do instead. And when I started getting older in elementary school I thought it was my fault. I thought it was like being punished for hitting my sister or not eating my veggies. That is not true! I began realizing I couldn't do what everyone else was and I was different. My parents would make sure I knew it wasn't my fault. That nothing I did or didn't do caused this. And when I started middle school I hated it, I didn't want to do everything I had to stay well. I started denying there was anything wrong with me. I wanted more then anything to be like everyone else. It sucked. But again my parents did the right thing. They would sit down and explain to me the consequences of my actions. Like if I didn't take something, I would be sick and couldn't do what I wanted. I now understand that I need to listen to my parents and doctors. Then I can stay wellish.

What I have realized I need now and needed before are really not that hard. I need honesty from my parents and health care team. I need to be able to confide in someone. I need my parents to make sure were still a family. I need my parents to have a positive attitude. I feel like that's what all kids with chronic illness need. Someone to tell them it will get better.

I have been there and done that. I know what it feels like. So if you ever need someone to  talk to email me. thekidwithasthma@gmail.com I will always reply to everyone.

Cameron-Elizabeth

Being a kid with Asthma

I can tell you from experience that having asthma as a kid is tough. I know the feeling of being excluded and lonely, fearful and anxious, upset and scared. It has been shown the kids more often then adults have mental disorders linked to asthma. Like anxiety disorders or mood disorders. There are tons of things you have to watch out for that most kids don't.

I can remember being in elementary school and my friends excluding me from things. I quickly became aware of it. I can also remember being sick and not allowed to participate in recess, all the kids stared at me. It became apparent that they didn't want me there because I couldn't do what they did. It was depressing. I was excluded and lonely all the time. I became the "teachers pet" because everyone else ignored me. I would cry about it. When I started crying I couldn't stop, then I couldn't breath, then I got scared and even more upset. It was a never ending cycle. I was afraid of going to recess and everyone ignoring me. That's where the anxiety comes from. I HATED IT! But I am here to tell everyone that it gets better. I learned that I can make up for physical things by being smarter then everyone.

Kids with asthma often have to be careful when doing things. For the simple fact of triggers. Been there done that. I have to make sure that if I go to someones house who has a dog or cat that I don't touch my face at all. Pet hair and dander set my asthma off. I have to check the air quality outside to make sure I can go out and do things. I mean these things sound really annoying, they are. I am not going to lie and tell you you get used to it. But it does become a habit more then a forced action. I have not let this stop me. There are still things you can do with asthma. You just have to do it differentially. But there are things you can not do. This is all speaking about me. This does very for each person. But if you ever need someone to talk to, I am here. Feel free to email me at thekidwithasthma@gmail.com

Cameron-Elizabeth

Life

Maybe things aren't meant to be forever. We live, we die. What happens in between is what makes us who we are.

I finally was able to go back to school last week. I have been loaded with a ton of work. I got my report card wich is something I have been dreading since I found out my grades. I told my parents. My dad was very understanding. He waved it off and said that I can do better and he wants to see my homework and if I have a problem I can talk to him. My mom on the other hand. She was not so understanding. She also has been very nosey of late.

Softball......I have been practicing so much lately. To the point that I now have to take a week off of that for my shoulder. Something I have been battling for a few years. I really need to just chill with it and fix it before I hurt it more. The only problem is that means letting people do things for me. Not good at that. But I don't think I am going to do school ball. I really don't know any more.

School.........I start health tomorrow. Sex ed. Fun. Sarcasm there in case you didn't get that. My friend just got done with it and the first thing he told me, "The most awkward thing I have ever done, take sex ed sitting next to a pregnant girl." Thank the lord we don't have a pregnant girl in my class. Well I am not taking it. I have to sit in the library and do work.

Maybe things really are not meant to be forever. Maybe things are supposed to last for a specific already designated time. We live, we die. Its the cycle of life. What we do in between the beginning and end makes us, us. The things that change peoples minds.

Friends......I have some truly amazing friends. But I also have the friend that wants everyone to feel bad for her. She makes up stories to get attention. Like last year I was saying something about my dad being in the hospital. And she starts rattling off all these things that happened to her. Literally there was a list of them, her dog died, her dad was in the hospital, she was depressed, her cousin killed himself, she had to talk her friend out a suicide. I know that stuff sounds really bad. But when your picked up in a car with your dad and your dog, people wonder. Then the next week she slipped up and said something about how we all believed her. You don't lie about those things. And then this year, she has slept with one of my male friends who has a girlfriend. Sorry this whole paragraph is a rant.

Thank you to everyone who has read this!

Cameron-Elizabeth

My goal

Color the world in your own colors. Make it your own. Scribble through the bad times and slowly color the good memories. Don't forget to use your favorite colors. Try to leave the ugly ones behind.

I am done. Done trying to impress people. I am done worrying what others think of me. I will admit I am concerned about my looks. I am done with caring about the dirty looks. Done.
I worry about things I shouldn't. I am not old enough to worry about these things. But its hard when you are constantly being told no, we don't have the money. But then your little sister gets to do things she wants. The one thing I want to do so incredibly bad is play softball. Yes there is a school team. That is not what I mean. I want to play travel ball. I want that sense of everyone caring. Not the oh I got stuck with you guys thing.

So I was asked the other day what my goals are. This is how the conversation went.
"So, Cam. What are your goals."
"At school or all the time?"
"All the time"
"Physical or mental or both"
"Both"
"Well, physically I want to be able to do things with out carrying my inhaler around. I don't want to have to carry it EVERYWHERE."

That is a simple goal I want to achieve. Is it realistic. Probably not anytime soon, but long term maybe. I have gotten to the point where walking upstairs has become a challenge. Not a challenge like I cant. But I can make it up them and can barley breath. Now my friend "S" has told me that even she has problems with stairs. Not because she cant breath, but because of her hip. I feel like I hold them back. I have amassing friends who specifically wont do what they want to because they want to make sure I have a friend with me. I feel like its my fault there giving up things. It is. I know it is. I feel like a 3rd wheel. I feel like they would be able to do whatever they wanted if I wasn't there. But at the same time, I feel like we have a ton of fun together.

Another goal of mine that is physical I shared in my Bucket List post. I want to do the London marathon.
A) I don't live in London
B) I can not physically do it right not

Well I have added to that. I want to do it with out my inhaler. The day I can throw my inhaler aside and go out for a jog will be the happiest day of my life. Even happier then getting married. I haven't been able to go for a "real" jog in over a year. I can go on walks and things, but a "real" jog is out of the question. What I mean by "real" is a good mile to two. I can do super short sprints, not jogs.

Cameron-Elizabeth

I Know How Lonely It Is

I have bad days.

I think everyone knows that. Everyone has bad days. Some days drag on forever. Some days don't look like they have an end. But they all do. No matter how far they may be.

Sometimes you can turn your day completely around. It isn't as hard as it seems. All you have to do is be happy. I know that can be the hardest thing in the world. But take a minute to think about how it could be worse. Everyday you wake up is a blessing. Try to find something that makes you happy. I look for RAKs. Random Acts of Kindness. Seeing that there are still good people left in the world makes me happy. Or animals. Seeing animals interacting with each other I love.

So on one of my bad days this week I decided to do something fun. I DIYed my inhaler. (DIY means Do It Yourself) I covered it in duct tape. Not regular duct tape. Duct tape with penguins! It is the coolest thing I have ever seen.

I don't know about everyone reading this blog, but when I was little I was incredibly embarrassed to use my inhaler. I was also embarrassed when I had to leave my own party to get a nebulizer treatment. I feel like if someone would have told me about this when I was little I wouldn't have been so ashamed.

Let me tell you about the party I had to leave...I was turning 9 and it was the smallest party I had ever had. 4 friends and my cousin. (who also has asthma) We were in the middle of playing musical chairs and I had to sit down, so I did. Then of course it was noticed that Cameron-Elizabeth sat down in the middle of the game. So I was reluctantly carried upstairs to do a nebulizer treatment. In the middle of it my cousin came up and sat with me. Didn't say a word until I asked him why he came up. He then responded, " Cam, I have had to do this too. I know how lonely it is. I thought you needed a friend." Now I don't remember the rest of the party. But him coming up and sitting with me meant the world.

I can honestly say, I know how lonely it is. To sit there by yourself knowing everyone else is enjoying something you want. Been there, done that, don't want to go back. If you every want someone to talk to about it, I am here for you. :)

Cameron-Elizabeth